Parental ‘guidance’ required

Our daughter, who is currently studying abroad, asked us for advice regarding her choice for senators in the upcoming national elections. Being abroad, she actually got to cast her vote or post her ballot earlier like most overseas Filipinos. Her only disadvantage was that she had been out of the country for two years and has had very limited time to stay updated with local politics. That is the reality for many students whether here or abroad; studying takes precedence and local politics has left much to be desired in terms of relevance to Millennials.

I don’t really know how other parents conduct themselves in this situation, but I made a conscious effort not to dictate or manipulate matters to the point that my daughter ends up voting for my candidates and not hers. I trace this to a time when I was still living in the US and I would come across a TV commercial that goes: “The worst inheritance we can leave our children is prejudice.” The message was all about racial prejudice but as a grown up, the commercial also spoke to me about how parents can mistakenly mislead their children to support the wrong person, cause or party based on our prejudice, privilege or just because we think we know better, therefore they should follow our example. Christian parents often recite the verse from Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs is telling us about a child or children and not a voter. You can all have healthy discussions or debates in your homes as long as the outcome is not imposed based on age, position of authority or who has the loudest voice.

I remember a story many years ago when a father told his kids not to vote for a certain candidate because he disliked him. The adult kids, on the other hand, considered the candidate as a well-balanced individual who could do the job. In the end, the father’s influence and opinion swayed his children to vote for someone else. Ironically, the father eventually became good friends with the candidate who did end up doing a good job. That certainly affected the father’s ability to judge people and was a missed opportunity to offer parental guidance instead of imposed influence. In fairness to such parents, they did not have Google back then, but nowadays there is no excuse for not doing the research or to do background or fact checking on candidates.

To get things started, Hannah asked me who was I voting for? Instead of giving her my 12 choices, we went through the entire list of senatorial candidates as provided by the Comelec. Hannah read out each name while I responded in terms of recognition, accomplishment, notoriety and my knowledge or impression about each candidate, while repeatedly reminding her that she still had to Google each and every name to verify what I thought and to expand her knowledge. I reminded her that it was her choice, her ballot and ultimately her future. In the end, we were able to bundle the candidates into three groups: First choice, possible maybes and No Way! The final selection crossed party lines, some defied statistical probabilities, and mixed veterans with potential first timers.

Regardless of popularity or personal sentiment, the choices were primarily based on track record as former legislators, history or work and achievements in the private sector and presenting relevant proposals and ideas that they are well able to achieve based on past performance, and last but not the least their character and history show that they are not bound to a specific political party, class or mindset.

As we screened the list, Hannah would ask questions or confirm if so and so was involved in a particular controversy or was this candidate the one who pushed or said something so stupid or controversial in the past? Time and again, when I was not sure about something or someone, she would inject “I’ll Google it later.” When we got to the party-list she quickly stated that she would be voting for a certain party-list known for promoting and defending women’s rights, reflective of the global rise of women in society and especially in European politics. I, on the other hand, would opt for a group that would promote farmers or PWDs, but I refrained from telling her.

A few days later, Hannah said she had googled the other candidates, filled and posted her ballot and was done. I never asked her who she ultimately voted for because I feel that once again my role was to provide Parental Advice when asked. While we pride ourselves on being very engaged parents and the only ones in her group who do video conferencing with her almost every day, we have consciously made an effort to let her make her own decisions. Whether it was about studying in the Netherlands or in her choice of career/degree which was farthest from the minds of both her parents: Security and Safety Management. Turns out that it was one of the best and most relevant choices she made, given the international turn of events in Ukraine and NATO, etc.

As parents, we, Filipinos need to entrust our children’s future into their hands and the hands of God.

If I may, I suggest that every family conduct their own “corporate conference” where they can gather around with laptops, note pads, snacks, drinks, etc. Designate a moderator – either the mother or the youngest because they are often the fearless ones – talk about the candidates and research what is true or false and what are the real facts. You don’t necessarily have to agree on common candidates, but it is a relationship building exercise, it is skills training for objective research and decision making and it is without a doubt a requirement in order for us to be informed and competent voters.