Hope amid COVID, Odette and broken relationships

For close to two years, we have been surrounded by family, friends and other loved ones or acquaintances who have been sick of COVID-19 or, even sadly, died of it. A week before Christmas, Typhoon Odette barreled through parts of the Visayas and Mindanao, affecting around 4 million people and displacing a million families. Latest reports indicated death toll rising to 400.

The pain of losing a loved one, especially during this period, is indescribable. Whether from COVID or other causes, the usual lamay (or wake) which, according to family tradition, helps the grieving process, is either not allowed or cut down to a few days. The number of people who could pay their last respects to the deceased is usually limited. Saddest is the fact that for COVID cases, the only way to hold a loved one for one last time is to embrace the urn of ashes.

The situation in the areas hit by Odette must be more distressing. Displaced families have been staying in overpopulated tents and classrooms, unmindful of the social distancing requirement and wearing of masks.

All these physical ailments, displacements and death have strained relationships. Some have been completely broken. We seem to ignore or refuse to notice but relationships are critical to our survival, especially during a crisis. How and with whom are relationships affected?

First is relationship with oneself. I have observed that even the person with a strong resilient spirit could still crush under the strain of the sickness, taking care of a loved one or simply watching the news. With the bombardment of grim news from social media, we ask ourselves – when will all this end? We get angry with ourselves and with each passing day, many people feel isolated, confused and desperate.

Second is relationship with family members. The past lockdowns have brought family members closer to one another, with more time for interactions and communication. But in many cases, too, the physical proximity and long hours of being confined in a small house have made some people more irritable and easily provoked. Discouragement due to loss or lesser income, plus the responsibility of working from home and helping the children with their modules, have strained relationships. In times like this, it will help if we stretch our patience and try to understand our loved ones through the filter of “HALT” – could we be Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?

Regardless of how patient we want to be, it is sad to note that the pandemic has broken family ties. Opposing views on the necessity of vaccinations, among immediate family members, in-laws, grandparents, cousins, have caused what The New York Times calls “COVID family feuds.”

Third is relationship with our neighbors, community or kababayans. Social media, particularly Facebook, has been colored. We have lesser tolerance towards people whose beliefs and persuasions are different from us. Facebook has made it easier to bash anyone, spread false information and unfriend or curse those we hate.

Last, but most important, is our relationship with God. Have we gotten closer to God or has the pandemic made us feel distant from God? Our relationship with God affects all our relationships – with ourselves, our families and loved ones, our community and our country.

Pope Francis, in his introduction of the book, Beautiful Hope by Matthew Kelly, said, “When everything seems finished, when, faced with many negative realities, and faith becomes demanding, and comes the temptation which says that nothing makes sense anymore, behold instead, the beautiful news… God is coming to fulfill something new, to establish a kingdom of peace… Evil will not triumph forever; there is an end to suffering. Despair is defeated because God is among us.”

This Christmas season, let us remember to filter our gloomy situation through the eyes of faith – in the belief that God chose to give up His power to be born as a frail baby so that He can reach out to us and restore the broken relationship between us and God.  We cannot diminish the true meaning of hope as if we are stating a wish, “I hope 2022 will be better than this year.” Hope and faith are like two peas in a pod because the hope that will help us through is the hope founded in God.

May we all be men and women of hope in 2022.

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Leonora Aquino-Gonzales teaches at the College of Mass Communication, University of the Philippines.