New Year vacillations
One wants to start the new year right by making resolutions to scrupulously observe the rest of the year. Resolutions that will improve one's self and make the person "better."
I was racking my brain trying to think of what could possibly be my newest New Year's resolution, but couldn't think of any. Not that I'm perfect, as I have lots of flaws, it's just that I couldn't be bothered to try to fix those flaws. Everything was just too much effort.
Dieting would mean suffering. And endless bouts of mental wrestling with me ultimately conceding to hunger and gluttony. Exercise, pretty much the same thing. If I upped and worked out, that would go fine, but if I was too tired and skipped exercise, it would be me debating with myself until i had rationalized it and brainwashed myself to submission, and then the guilt tripping would start.
Be more cultured by reading the classics, philosophers, or poets? That pile of favorite authors waiting by the bedside table always looks much more inviting. Chick-lit, sci-fi and YA has this relentless grip on my attention span. Ayn Rand? Recipe for a nap.
Watch foreign films? I can't even understand my own culture, much less others. Plus there's all that How to Get Away with Murder and Suits episodes waiting.
Stop being so impatient, be more forgiving, be less critical, curb that temper? Been there, done that.
Go to dentist/doctor/derma/stylist and everything else I've been putting off on grounds of career or travel plans or family obligations? I know the same excuses will present themselves come crunch time.
What to do. It's kind of sad not to have a New Year's resolution. Could it be a sign of giving up, of hopelessness? I hope not. The other perspective there is, it might be a sign of becoming comfortable with one's self. Contentment. Acceptance. Hmmm.
After a few seconds of pondering, probably not.
Maybe the goal should be, in fact, to set up achievable goals. Not dieting and exercising to look like John Spainhour (look him up) but just dieting to be a tad more healthy. A movie a month instead of a hundred titles. Read a chapter a month instead of an author a month.
Ok, now I think I'm going to set a record for underachiever of the year.
Stop posting so much on social media? Stop wasting time facebooking? Or perhaps, the opposite? Finally build my own website? Be more active on Instagram? (There are dangers to Instagram that I've recently discovered, as expounded in this column).
Or, check up on my real friends by taking time to visit their profile sites, rather than passively waiting for Facebook to feed me whatever random drivel that its computers think I would be interested in? That might establish a deeper connection with my friends who I supposedly wanted to connect with at the time I accepted their friend request, or vice versa.
Or maybe, I should invest in my friends who are completely absent from the web. These are the dinosaurs out there who still refuse to open an account on Facebook. (I think it's a matter of pride with them, they take a perverse pleasure from not having a Facebook account.)
It might be good to pick up pen and paper and write those stubborn luddites rambling missives from my unused wooden desk. Give them cheery accounts of my stressful life, although nothing so open book and deeply vicious as would make them want to call the nearest therapist for immediate intervention. (Hopefully, I also single-handedly revive the postal system.)
It's January 2, and I haven't made up my mind. Maybe, this year, I should be more decisive.
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