Why praise the dead and curse the living?
The reason why we seem to honor the dead more than we appreciate the living, is because we have that notorious tendency to just take people around us for granted, while they are still alive and kicking. The moment they leave us for the great beyond, that is the only time when we try to ponder on the many good things that the dear departed ones have done for us. And then regrets, nostalgia and longings would engulf us. Then we are overwhelmed with a sense of guilt and remorse. By then, it would be too late.
And so, we say many nice things about people who already left us. We heaped generous praises on those who already died. The same people that we hated, abhored and even cursed, we tend to be more appreciative only after their demise. We put in so many positive, encouraging and admiring words post mortem. When these same men and women were still around, we would be more critical on their lives, career and actuations. We even gossip about people and their love lives even if we have nothing to do about them.
But when people die, we suddenly become more positive-looking. Only for a time, a few days or weeks after the funeral. and then, alas, we lapse into oblivion again. We are usually seized by our usual bout of forgetfulness and ingratitude..After a few days of being nice, we go back to our natural spontaneous ways of being too harsh in our judgment of people. Mark Anthony put it rather succinctly when he exclaimed on the death of his beloved friend and ally, Caesar. "The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones."
I am a very ardent student on the behavior of people. I tend to contemplate on patterns of human behavior that define the character of individuals and groups. All Saints Day and All Souls Day are usually celebrated in our country, especially among us Catholics, with too much ado on rites and rituals, on prayers and ceremonies, on foods and drinks, on mass cards and candles, and yes, of flowers and floral arrangements. All of these are supposed to signify our ways of honoring the dead, and expressing our gratitude to them for everything.
I have no problem with such fixations on symbolisms and their meanings. My difficulties rather lie on my inability to easily understand, and my persistent refusal to accept how unkind and even cruel some people could be to others during their lifetime. I could not comprehend the depth and the scope of human anger, vengefullness and spite while the hater and the hated still share the same family, the same household and the same neighborhood. In fact, as a lawyer and as a family and marriage counsellor, I find it strange to realize that the most difficult peope to reconcile are close family members and friends.
It is a paradox in life that we have an innate tendency to malign people while they still live with us. But when they pass away, we begin to be kind to them and remember the good things they have done for us. By then, it would be too late.
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