The philosophy and psychology of marital infidelity
To those who are HR executives, like this writer, and who believe that human behavior do not just happen, but are caused by some factors, both intrinsic and extrinsic, we hold the view that marital infidelity is a manifestation of certain conflicts, both within the husband and the wife, and also in between the states of their relationships. Thus, it is neither fair nor healthy to make hasty judgments nor to condemn the parties involved. They may not be just perpetrators of undesirable human acts. They may be the victims themselves. And they need help.
The unfaithful husband may be caught between the many pressures of pleasing a very demanding wife and a growing family, on the one hand, and the internal insecurities of a diminishing libido, the many questions about his decreasing manhood, upon the other hand. He has to reassure himself that he can live up to the expectations of everyone, and at the same time enjoy the life of a normal man. If at this point in his life, a woman comes to listen to all his woes, and is always available to cater to his "woundedness," an affair may start. Not just because of sexual needs, but for many psychological cravings.
The unfaithful wife may be suffering from the harassments and the violence (both physical, emotional, economic, and other forms) emanating from an abusive or neglectful husband. A woman who is scorned by her own husband, deprived of physical and psychological fulfillment, may be a leading candidate for adultery. Whenever a man comes into the life of this woman, whether that man is the village doctor or the family driver, the wife may "use" him as a means to inflict revenge on her husband. And the consequences can be fatal, if not disastrous.
We all know about that famous young racer who was allegedly murdered by his wife and the wife's supposed lover. There is now a criminal case filed against the two alleged illicit lovers and so, we can not elaborate on that case. But this writer is quite familiar with the facts of that case. The deceased racer was my son's classmate in La Salle. I'm not interested on the merits of the case, except that I wish to further study the psychology and philosophy of marital unfaithfulness.
My thesis is that both unfaithful husbands and unfaithful wives, aside from being prospective perpetrators of crimes, are, most of all, victims of difficult situations. The public, including us, should restrain ourselves from the propensity to criticize and to condemn. We have no right to judge these people because we do not really know what the difficulties and problematic situations they are in. I am deeply involved in the Marriage Encounter Movement and our group is into helping spouses who are experiencing pains and problems. We do not claim to have all the answers but we know the reasons of all the questions.
Whenever a husband maintains an affair, or when a wife is entangled in an adulterous situation, it is not for us to make a hasty conclusion. The best thing for us to do is to find a way how to help the couple find each other again, and to guide the other woman, and the other man to the right path that shall avoid more pain and further damage. What matters most, is when we have the Lord in the center of our marital relationship. When God is with us, no one else can come in between us. I have been married to my wife for 37 years, and our marriage remains strong. We have found the secrets on how to stay faithful and avoid infidelity.
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