Golden years

Fifty years ago last Thursday, December 26, 2013, Josie and I exchanged “I dos”, vowing to be one in mind, heart and spirit and to love one another “till death do us part”. We had the nuptial mass and wedding ceremony at the Immaculate Conception Parish Church in Cubao, Quezon City. Then a modest wedding reception followed as some sort of a farewell party to our respective families and loved ones because we are leaving them to begin our own new married life raising our own family.

At that time we felt that we were leaving port and sailing into uncharted seas full of uncertainties and unforeseen events inevitably connected with entering a new relationship not based on blood but on affinity. We knew then that under such a relationship, there would be lots of ups and downs, joys and struggles.

As expected, the initial years of our marriage were full of romance and excitement because we experienced for the first time the physical unity and spiritual love we were unable to experience during our courtship days. They were truly full of happy memories and momentous events especially when our conjugal union began bearing fruits, with a cute baby girl as our first child whom we named Joyce. She was then followed every two years thereafter by five healthy and pretty boys whom we named Jopet, Joel, Jay, Jolly and Jaybee.

Even if those years were also full of challenges and difficulties in raising six children, the romantic stage in our life continued during their childhood years as we enjoyed their filial love and affection especially during our weekend outings in various places around the country. Those were the times indeed for storing cherished memories and strengthening family ties based on our love for each other and for our children.

Like all other marriages however, our romance gradually faded until we experienced disillusionment as we discovered each others’ undesirable traits while solving our problems and encountering difficulties in raising our family and in trying to keep our marital relationship intact.

The disillusionment stage in our married life even turned into misery and distress later on. Most unforgettable were those times when we had doubts and suspicions of infidelity against each other after our children had finished schooling, gotten married and left us to have their own family. The other heart breaking event was the death of our only daughter Joyce due to cancer when she was just 38 years old and a member of the Opus Dei congregation where she took a vow of single-blessedness and became God’s servant at the age 18 years. 

But we were able to get out of these heartbreaking events in our lives because God is at the center of our married life. Indeed when we got married, our relationship was already some sort of a “love triangle” although the third party involved here was not the “other man or woman” but God Himself who is Love.

And so, our misery didn’t last long as we were able to adjust and reconcile because of our faith in God and forgiveness in our hearts. We experienced joy once again. This time however the joy seemed to be more real than the joy we experienced when we got married. It was a joy that strengthened our conjugal love and made our family ties more durable.

Indeed married life is a continuing cycle of romance, disillusionment, misery, adjustment, reconciliation and true joy. This is a recurring cycle although it coils upwards as the different stages are eliminated until only the topmost stage of true joy remains. So when married couples reached any of the other stages especially the bottom line of seemingly unbearable misery, they should not end the cycle. Instead they should strive to get out of that stage until the cycle coils up and up to the stage of true and never ending joy.

During these modern times, it is indeed becoming harder to get out of the cycle and keep the coiling movement until only ideal stage of true joy remains. But the task is still achievable not only by having more faith in God and forgiveness in our hearts but also by a sincere and continuing dialogue between couples rather than merely engaging in discussion that usually end in recrimination.

Dialogue here means that each spouse should empathize and feel what the other feels, and practice the art of active listening. This is the art of heeding not only the words coming out of their lips but also the unexpressed ones emanating from their hearts that can be discerned by “reading between the lines”. It also entails using the language of love through physical touch, acts of service, giving gifts and words of acclamation as well as spending quality time with our spouse and children.

And so after 50 years of marriage, Josie and I renewed our marriage vows and celebrated our golden wedding anniversary. This time we can already see the beautiful seashore looming ahead after sailing through so many calm and turbulent seas, amidst fair and stormy weathers. We are almost sure to reach the shore because when we started the voyage, we made a commitment that:

“Ano man ang mangyari, hindi kita iiwan. Ipaglalaban ko ang pagibig mo. Ipaglalaban ko hanggang sa dulo ng mundo. .ang ating pag-ibig giliw ko”..

We commemorated our golden anniversary with our entire family traveling together for the first time. For four days, we were together celebrating life and love, bonding with each other in fun- filled activities, joyful songs and intimate prayers. We are really so grateful to God and so happy to enter the golden years of our married life together with Jopet and Cef and their sons Jat, Jigo and Javi; Joel and Ruby and their sons Miko, Johan and Sema; Jay and Mireille and their sons Jeremy, Java, Jared, Jacsi, Jonah and Jadan; Jolly and Jane and their daughters Jamee and Jessica and son Justin; Jaybee and Susan and their son Joaqui.

We share our joy by wishing one and all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!