The privilege of friendship

I just received an email from a friend whom I’ve known for four years and with whom I share a passion for life, food and a wacky sense of humor. To be honest, I literally see her only once a year from 2 in the afternoon to around 2 in the morning, which is when we, along with a bunch of other friends act as judges for an annual event.

Perhaps we are kindred spirits, or simply old souls who know that friendship is not about the amount of time shared together but being familiar spirits aware of life’s experiences and rejoicing in the realization that there are others like us. Either way, it always feels like we’ve known each other for so long and I always regret the fact that we’ve never made any effort to get together more often.

Recently, that regret has gone deeper when I learned that my friend was battling cancer at the prime of her life. This is always a difficult matter for me as it is for many others because one does not simply rush to her side and commiserate without being invited in. Thanks to my Dutch wife and my conservative upbringing, I’ve learned to keep quiet about such matters until the affected person shares their situation or condition.

Often that happens much too late in the process and by then there is not enough opportunity to express your emotions or concern. The fact is, I’ve lost two people who are dear to me in the last month due to cancer as well. Both chose to wait until the last moment to let others in on their private war with cancer. By then it feels so late to do anything and goodbyes are the last thing you have in mind but that’s all you’re left with.

As I read my friend’s email, I realized that she was “sharing” her struggles and victories with me. She talked about her condition and the effects of chemotherapy on her appetite, and especially about the spiritual sign posts that she has learned to read along the way. In spite of having stage 3 cancer, she remains optimistic and quietly dependent on the tender mercies of GOD from day to day.

After reading her email, I immediately became aware of the fact that I have just been given a unique privilege of friendship. Beyond the tragedy that is cancer, beyond the inexplicable quirk of our friendship, I had just been given the privilege to share in what is probably the greatest struggle any human and spiritual being has to under go.

Far from sharing mere information or expressing sentiments, my friend opened the door to her pain, her fear, her struggles and above all her hope and faith. As I thought of my reply, I had the option to express my concern, offer my sympathy or promise to pray for her. But instead, GOD opened my eyes to this privilege and so I thanked her for “the privilege of friendship.”

I don’t know how this changes things in our once a year – 12 hour reunions, given that she has a family of her own, it seems best to let her spend all of her time with them, just in case. Instead of “hovering” about, I’ll continue to let her take the lead. Whether it’s the usual 12-hour comedy show or a more somber sober crusade for life to the max, is all up to her and to GOD.

True friendships should not require effort or imposition. They just are. There is still much to be hopeful about, there is certainly much to be thankful for and to be quite honest about it, I also know friends who managed to outlive their Doctors before finally losing their battle to cancer.

At stage 3, the cancer may possibly disintegrate just like the puny Korean rocket and that is what I will be praying and believing in. I guess the best thing I can do for now is to live life, to actually do all the stuff on my “to do list” and constantly remind myself that life does not come with a written guarantee that it will be long nor perpetually healthy.

Just like my friend, I believe that the most regrettable thing is not about falling ill or dying young or having a “short life.” Today is my 56th birthday. With all it’s ups and downs, I have lived life the best I can. GOD has blessed me with enough adventure, enough excitement, enough trials and even more to rejoice about.

That I believe sums it up for me and my friend: We celebrate life. Here’s more to it for you and me! GOD Bless you all.

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