Ernie and Bert, give them back to me!

This is what it’s come down to. The extent by which acceptance of gays and lesbians have achieved. Sesame Street, that hallowed neighborhood second only if not equal to the Vatican by children’s standards, by which many have grown up with, has officially come up with a statement that Bert and Ernie are just best friends, and would not marry. What the…? Now I have nothing against gays and lesbians. My own staff knows that. I treat them as well or as hard as I would anybody else. I hire people based on their skills and talent, no matter what their sexual orientations are. But Sesame Street?

 I grew up with Sesame Street. I grew up with these lovable characters and have learned so much from them. I practically lived in one of the apartments where David, Gordon, Susan, Bob, Luis and Maria were. I knew I could buy things at Mr. Hooper’s store. I tried to avoid that trashcan with the abrasive Oscar. I hid my cookies from the Cookie Monster. I learned how to count well, say the alphabet well, learned about different animals well. So much information in just sixty minutes of well-spent time. Not once did I ever think that Bert and Ernie were gay. By the way, gay at the time, meant happy.

 I guess I grew up at a time when many gays and lesbians were still in their closets. Where gay marriages weren’t even talked about. Where being openly gay would only make one openly vulnerable to hate crimes and discrimination. Hey, I cannot control when I was born, right? But that was my time. So once again, Sesame Street? By that same thinking, then Starsky and Hutch were doing more inside the Torino than fighting crime. Captain Stubing actually had a thing for Doc Bricker. The same can be said about Karl Malden and Michael Douglas in the streets of San Francisco – which has now become openly gay, by the way – or maybe Lou Grant had a thing for Charlie Hume! Or Mrs. Pynchon and Billie! What about Steve McGarrett and Dan-o? Maybe they handcuffed one another, huh? But Sesame Street? Elmo and Big Bird - oh, wait a minute, you might have something there. Nobody is named Big Bird for nothing, and nobody is THAT ticklish! By the way, is Big Bird a he or a she? Oh and Mr. Snuffleupagus could be using that long trunk of his for something else, right? I even heard that Sponge Bob was also gay. I guess Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany’s characters in “Master and Conqueror” were really lovers, as they did have adjoining bunks in that small warship! Perhaps Bruce Willis had a thing for Curtiss Armstrong in “Moonlighting.” Wait, those two old geezers in the theater box of “The Muppet Show,” they must be gay since they’re always watching the theater together, all the time! Please.

Will any good friendship between two heterosexual guys from now on be suspected of being a gay one? It’s not supposed to. Just as I don’t think Woody and Buzz Lightyear were toying each other out! Ernie and Bert were never envisioned to be gay. As simple as that. So nobody should force them to be one. If Sesame Street decides to create a gay muppet to be more socially current, it’s their decision, just like J.K. Rowling did to Professor Dumbledore. Ah, did you know that? But let’s leave Ernie and Bert alone. I don’t mean so they could be alone! It’s the issue of them being gay, and getting married for goodness sake. Please let me have my childhood back! I mean, they’re muppets! My childhood muppets!