Ant in the ear

My publisher Juanito Jabat wrote about getting roused from sleep in the wee hours of morning by a reader who asked what to do about an ant that had crawled into the deep recesses of his ear.

Anyone who has ever gone through that excruciating experience must have shuddered at the thought on reading Mr. Jabat’s article. But I know Mr. Jabat. He is a genius in using humor to drive home the serious stuff.

What I think happened is that somebody indeed must have roused Mr. Jabat from sleep, probably over something that could have waited tomorrow. And then wanting to say it was rude to do so but fearful of getting misunderstood, I think he felt compelled to invent the lost ant.

Of course I can commiserate with Mr. Jabat. It is indeed irritating to be awakened by call or text when one is already sound asleep, and yes especially if it is about something that could wait for the sun to rise. Such calls can truly be like an ant that got lost in the ear.

There are of course other call and text messages that are just as irritating even if you get them in the middle of the day. Many of these messages are made by telemarketers who bombard you with proposals and promotions of every sort.

One would have thought that if I needed a particular something, I would be the one to initiate the inquiry. One thing these telemarketers do — they drive resentment into the target market’s hearts and achieve the opposite of what they sought out to do.

I suspect all these telemarketers do is scan the telephone directories and just randomly make their calls without doing any research. One time somebody called to ask whether I was a person who reads newspapers. I finally admitted I was not as popular as my friend Bobby Nalzaro.

One of the worst experiences one can have with telemarketing calls is probably that one involving an aggressive pitch to sell units at a certain high-rise condominium. Different calls involving different voices can come anytime of day everyday for weeks on end.

It got so irritating that a joke was actually born from the experience: Give the name and telephone number of people you hate to these telemarketers and hope they will pester your enemies to death. 

But not all calls are irritating. Some can be funny as well, as when a call was forwarded to me on my local line in the office. “Jer?” asked the male caller. “Yes?” I said. “Si Jerry ni?” “Yes,” I said again.

The caller then launched a spiel about machines, things I have a hard time comprehending. I finally managed to interrupt him to ask what he was talking about. He said, “Is this Jerry Policher?” I said, “No, this is Jerry Tundag.” “Sorry, wrong number,” he said and hung up.

Eventually, one learns to cope with such calls. Now when I pick up the phone and a voice goes right ahead confidently, “Jun, naa si Maria?” or “Dward, hain si Marichu?” I promptly say: “Wa ra ba, tua sa Dalaguete,” or “Hala, nikuyog ni Boy, nanan-aw og cine.”

When somebody calls to ask: “Is this Eyebags Beauty Salon?,” I promptly reply: “No, this is PRO-7, do you wish to report a crime?” I would hear the voice on the other end gasp and say: “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!”

Calls and text messages are a big help in this day and age, when information plays a big role in our daily lives. But such messages need to move or be moved with an eye to basic courtesy and respect. Without courtesy and respect, they become like an ant lost in the ear.