Reality check

The merits and demerits of the RH bill have been discussed to death, or life as the case maybe. Pros and cons have dissected every possible angle, cited from every authority and linked the over-analyzed bill to all possible issues from religion to corruption, bending and spinning data to fit their view. The arguments run the gamut from scientific to sci-fi, dogmatic to liberal, macro to micro. It has been attacked and defended with non-equal parts of clarity and lucidity on one hand, passion and testosterone on the other.

The Catholic Church has mounted a new Crusade, hopefully one that will not last for 200 years. Pursued with the zeal reminiscent of the Inquisition, they have stopped short of hanging the RH bill proponents like the suspected heretics and witches of yore, but not of threatening them with ex-communication and disallowing Holy Communion.

Allies quickly added municipal laws to mandate condom purchase strictly-by-prescription, and extra credits to students who post anti-RH bill-opinions on Facebook. These “persuasive” tactics border on coercion, which they have accused DOH of doing many times before. Isn’t this do-as-we-preach-but-not-as-we-do syndrome?

Some of the flock rued that the Church did not exhibit the same fervor in routing out the pedophiles from their ranks, or fighting rampant corruption and abuse of power in public office. The Church’ pugnacious stance surprised and bothered the more open-minded Catholics. Some sympathized with the Irish Catholics who distanced themselves from the unresponsive Church. Recruiting Pacquiao as their anti-RH poster boy, while slamming the door to further dialogue with the Palace, diminished any chance for hammering a cogent and representative population policy.

Instead of focusing on common goals, the discussion has deteriorated to meaningless disputes such as the definition of abortion and when conception occurs. Instead of agreeing premises, they nitpick on certain phrases and predict unwarranted future concerns. Instead of meaningful and open dialogue, a duel is in place, polarizing Filipinos even more.

Taking two steps back for clearer perspective, maybe the most rabid advocates and critics of the bill should perform a process called immersion. This is a research method where real consumer insights are mined by “living” in their shoes. It is better than a quantitative survey or the proposed referendum because statistics don’t tell the whole story.

Take a stereotype slice of society (SEC D is also the largest segment) and interact with them closely. One way is to find out how the maids, nannies, cooks, laundrywomen, gardeners, masseuses, pool cleaners, drivers and bodyguards cope with the challenges of taking care of their family, struggling to provide education for their children so they can have a more decent life.

If they took a genuine interest, maybe they will bear witness to the story of Dolores. At 12 years old, Dolores applied for a job as a maid. She was Grade 4 when her parents said they could no longer afford to send her to school and she must eke out a living. For 15 years, she toiled and sent back every centavo of her salary to her parents so that her six younger siblings can stay in school and graduate. To her dismay, she found out that her father had squandered most of her hard-earned money on booze, while her mother contracted tuberculosis from years of doing laundry and passed away. None of her younger brothers and sisters finished elementary.

Rebelling, Dolores married the first man who asked her. She was pregnant every year and ended up with eight childbirths and two miscarriages. At 38 years old she had seven mouths to feed. A son died before he reached the age of three, as he was malnourished. The spent mother could not generate enough milk to breastfeed her fourth child in four years. The husband, a construction worker, could not be deprived of sex-on-demand even when she feared getting pregnant. He would threaten that he would find someone else to satisfy him.

Then the husband found a job abroad. Dolores and her brood lived at her sister-in-law’s shanty, completely dependent on her husband’s remittance. Fifteen people lived under one roof. Every time money was sent, there was a fight over who got the larger share. Then the money stopped altogether. Dolores’ husband found another woman and started a second family abroad.

Her sister-in-law quickly kicked Dolores and her seven children out of her house. Dolores’ former employer tried to help but at 41, she was a broken. Her hair was grey and falling off and she had lost all her teeth. Malnutrition and early menopause also took their toll and soon the chemical imbalance wreaked havoc mentally. Dolores was afflicted with dementia. The children could not take care of their mother, so eventually she was taken to the National Mental Hospital where she languished for seven years.

The eldest daughter Daisy, eventually became a Japayuki and took her mother with her to Japan. There, Dolores stayed in relative peace and comfort until she finally succumbed at age 51.

How many Dolores are there in our society? Would she have been better off with fewer children? If she had taken the pill so that she could satisfy her husband but not have another mouth to feed, should she be excommunicated and banned from receiving the Holy Communion?

Her daughter Daisy is a GRO in one of Japan’s sleazy nightspots. She managed to reach first year high school. She is determined never to marry or have children. Daisy vowed she would break the cycle of poverty and the tragedy that comes with it.

This is a true story. Bishops and Congressmen should get under the skin of their constituents and gain valuable insight. Then they can decide if planning a family’s future is really against God’s will.

The RH bill is just rhetoric and controversy until its defenders and attackers understand what is really at stake. The stark reality is that it has a face. Until they see that, they can’t stop the pain of Dolores.

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