Politics in a non-political familyand a life less ordinary

Nothing is really more complicated than (extended) family dynamics.

Last week, our family (not the immediate one) faced a tough challenge, one exacerbated further in this age of Facebook, when everyone is given too much free virtual democratic space and freedom to use or abuse.

A cousin of mine, after making a series of bad choices, even though seemingly remorseful of his mistakes, faced tough criticism from another cousin, his caustic words posted as a status message on his Facebook account (which, of course, could be read by everyone in his network). The scathing remarks drew sharp reactions from various family members, crying foul at the supposed impropriety of his actions. His defense: He was just concerned for the welfare of our cousin who’s gone adrift.

Whether it was the right or wrong thing to do, to publicly chastise a wounded wanderer, or whether it was sincerely done out of concern or not, it brought to mind my own difficulties with family dynamics when I was my cousin’s age.

The family, while the bedrock of our lives, can also be seen as a rumor mill of sorts. Described as the basic unit of society, like other larger, more complex units in society, it isn’t free from the evil clutches of politics, where intrigues are fueled by vested interests and ulterior motives.

Growing up with a feared and revered patriarchal figure, one who had the power to giveth and taketh, and the singular authority to enrich and change one’s life for the better (materially, that is), is much like working in Malacañang where practically everyone survives by sucking up to the president. Such set ups have a way of bringing out the worst in people, channeling the Machiavelli in each of us. I’m sure the same goes for the corporate world and media. Suffice it to say, politics is everywhere.

It’s always said, ‘there are no permanent friends, only permanent interests.’ But in the case of family politics, you are permanently relatives but not permanently friends, because you have permanent interests, or something like that.

I’ve decided to take a separate route, very far and distinct from everyone in my family. But even if it was pretty obvious, and despite the fact that I’ve never really cared about everyone else’s business (both in the literal and figurative sense), still, I’ve fallen prey to the intrigues one too many times. Of course, when my legendary grandfather passed away, things changed and there were less intrigues, perhaps owing to the fact that no one felt they still had to be in competition with another.

My choices, preference, private life all became the stuff of gossip, brought straight to my grandfather in the guise of care and concern. It infuriated me to the high heavens but it also emboldened me to carry on with my mission to make myself and my life relevant vis-à-vis the larger scheme of things.

Sure, not everyone was like that in my extended family; in fact, only a handful actually were. Still, it initially felt unfair, that while I didn’t interfere with anyone’s choices or rejoice in anyone’s misadventures, some would want only make my life slightly more difficult than it should.

Then again, like I said, it all became a challenge—a challenge to do things better and to dream bigger, making sure all those dreams come true. My life has so far been a rollercoaster, filled with ups and downs, but overall, it’s been an incredible ride. And I’m thankful that I’ve been able to live above the petty things with only some bitterness. Now, I really couldn’t care less if some people cannot be happy for me.

Looking back, from the time when the criticisms and gossips reached their peak while I was in college, to the present when I’ve seen many of my goals in life achieved, I’m extremely happy I didn’t let the negativity affect me adversely. We should always fight the urge to let our mistakes and other people’s criticisms define us and distract us from our plans.

Truly, we only need to look to God and ourselves for answers, especially in the most trying of times. Introspection lead me to discover the many things I knew I was capable of doing, that no matter what other people say, and no matter the mistakes I make, nothing can stop what I’m destined to achieve for myself, my family, and my country. Clinging to God affirmed that everything is possible with faith, patience, and perseverance.

And so I dedicate this to my cousin, as he celebrates his birthday, in the hope that he may look into himself and find what makes him come alive, to learn everything he can from all the mistakes and rise from this fall, a better, stronger person.

And that, like some of us, he may also appreciate everything that comes his way, strengths and faults, trials and travails, as blessings; and be ever ready to embrace fully a life less ordinary.

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Tonight on The Bottomline with Boy Abunda: After Hubert Webb, Lauro Vizconde presents his side to a decades-long fight and search for justice, sharing his thoughts and feelings on moving on, forgiveness and revenge, and having a reason to live.

Watch it after Banana Split on ABS-CBN. Encore telecast on the ABS-CBN News Channel (ANC), Sunday, 1:00 pm.

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