Excerpts from an investigation

Second rate ACTOR masquerading as concerned human being (hereafter, “Senator”): Now, Dr. Kho, we noticed, after having satisfied our legitimate curiosity about the veracity of the allegations that you had a sex video, and after making sure we watched every minute of it so that we would, er, not overlook any detail, that after a few minutes of stroking, you interrupted the natural progression of events and took hold of something small and shiny. Could you identify that object please?

Dr. Kho: It was a protective shield.

Senator: A protective shield, Dr. Kho? Whatever do you mean? Please, elucidate! We are stumped!

Dr. Kho: It was a rubber.

Senator: A rubber! It sure didn’t look rubbery to me, Dr. Kho. In fact, it looked like metal foil. Are you sure? What exactly do you mean by a rubber?

Dr. Kho: It was a condom.

Senator: Gasp. (laughter from the audience) A condom! Good grief! (So that’s what the (expletive) thing looks like…). To proceed, Dr. Kho. What is the function of that ‘condom’? How did it help you achieve your heinous crime, Dr. Kho? What were you protecting yourself from, Dr. Kho?

Dr. Kho: I was protecting my partner from a potential pregnancy.

Senator: A pregnancy? Are you telling us that a devil’s spawn like you is actually fertile and capable of procreating?

Dr. Kho: Yes, your honor.

Senator: Hmph. I find that hard to believe. I hope for the sake of society that isn’t true. Now, you make it seem like you are so concerned about your partner, that for her sake, you wore this distasteful thing called a ‘condom.’ Are you sure about this? Is it not you were actually protecting yourself rather than your partner?

Dr. Kho: No, your honor, I was really concerned because she might get pregnant.

Senator: Ha! You lie! For the enlightenment of the members of this Honorable Body, Dr. Kho, isn’t it true that a rubber also protects the wearer from sexually transmitted diseases?

Dr. Kho: Yes, that is true.

Senator: So, given that, wouldn’t you say you were actually protecting only one person, and that is yourself?

Dr. Kho: Maybe, but at the same time, I was protecting her from any venereal diseases I might have, including those from my multi-sexual partners in the clinic where I work. So, I was, in fact, being very considerate.

Senator: A-ha. Don’t you know, Dr. Kho, that that these rubber devices are prohibited by the Church, and one is not supposed to use them and detract from the pleasure? Would you say then Dr. Kho that you are promiscuous and a sinner damned to hell for all eternity?

Dr. Kho: Well, I don’t know. I’m not that smart, so I can’t really follow the logic. But since you’re in that chair, and I’m not, I guess so. I never thought of it myself. Maybe I was just brainwashed by all those MTV concerts and ads I keep watching all day. All those subliminal ads about safe sex were just so effective, and screwed me up. Now whenever I take off my clothes, I think about putting on rubber.

Senator: Mercy me. It seems like we’re getting to the bottom of the matter here. Now, tell me, what was the source of your sinful device? Where did you get this?

Dr. Kho: Oh, I keep my supplies at my bedroom drawer. I like to have a nice steady supply.

Senator: You’re not answering me, damn it. Where do you buy these filthy things that prevents you from catching something real infectious, and then wasting and eventually dying? This ‘condom’ that allows you to stay healthy, thereby hiding your sick habits from everybody around you?

Dr. Kho: Oh, I just buy them from my usual supplier. But you can find them in any corner. Why, they wait for you at just about any convenience store.

Senator: Heavens. This is a revelation. We have found the culprits, esteemed colleagues! We must stamp these out, and pass laws to ensure nobody else has easy access to these instruments of the devil. I propose, fellow members, that to cure our citizens from this sick mind-set of easily available sex, we immediately file a bill prohibiting MTV for broadcasting these sick messages of safe sex. And, to address the addiction, that we immediately penalize the dispensing and sale of that device called the ‘condom’! I must say, this is a total success! Now, whoever said we were inutile?