Takusa …. Diyos

The average Filipino is familiar with the term “TAKUSA”. It’s the acronym or short version of “Takot Sa Asawa” or hen pecked. In some cases the term is used as a derisive term for men who give special concern or priority for their wives.

The term drew my attention after a bunch of “adulterers” made fun of a fellow who unlike his philandering brothers had a reputation for being a “TAKUSA”. In jovial mockery, the group of men expressed disbelief on how the man who stood tall, had chiseled good looks and olive skin, was actually “scared of his wife”.

They enjoyed what they called good natured ribbing but it made me wonder what sort of people would actually make fun or question a person’s dedication, respect or love for his wife? Would they actually salute and honor their father if he had an adulterous affair?

Would they have good natured ribbing if their brother-in-law or son-in-law gave their sister or daughter some sexually transmitted disease?

I’m currently reading the book “The Quest for Character” written by Charles Swindoll, and in the chapter entitled “Group Numbing”, he writes about how “the group aids in the capacity to anesthetize one another. It is greatly encouraged by being in the midst of others doing the same thing”.

Later in the chapter he quotes Dr. Scott Peck in his book “People of the Lie”, “it is a simple sort of thing…the horrible becomes normal and we lose our sense of horror. We simply tune out.”

Examine your surroundings and situational experiences. How many times have you heard fathers proudly showing the penis and testicles of toddlers and declare that their sons will be the “kilabot ng mga chicks” (the terror of ladies).

Even among young male executives it is a common belief that one night stands or sex void of emotion and relations don’t count as adultery or sin especially if they pay for it.

I was once asked by former officemates if I were scared of my wife seeing that she was a foreigner. Their presumption was that it was more difficult to boss around a western wife than a Filipina spouse, hence I was a “TAKUSA”.

When I inquired as to what gave them that impression, the top dog pointed out that I don’t really engage them when they share their adventure stories about women or extra marital activities, nor have I ever joined in their debauchery.

I guess the funniest story was when Anna, an international model, and Leah a well known singer, decided to know more about me long before I even got into media. After a lot of small talk they finally asked me if I was gay.

Noting the sincerity in their question I asked why they had that impression. “Well, you always go out alone. We never see you with a girlfriend. You always meet up with the guys. And you’ve never picked up anyone and you always go home alone.”

Imagine that. Just because you never hit on someone or screw around you automatically qualify as TAKUSA or gay. You either embrace the behavior and belief of the crowd or prepare to be defined by terms they use to revile or ridicule.

I remember telling my ex-colleague that anyone, if he or she chooses too can easily deceive a spouse or a partner. Fear of man may be a factor but many times desire can overwhelm fear. I was certainly not fearful of my western wife. “If I have fear, it is my fear for God and his temper!”

I have always said to all that when you piss off God you might not lose your life but you will certainly lose your toys and all your privileges. I found proof of this from an old book entitled “Malachi”.

It’s very short reading since it only has 3 chapters. But in Chapter 2 I found the incontrovertible fact that if you screw around it is equivalent to picking a fight with God. Sadly a lot of men are willing to live with that because of their passion, lust and pleasure…..until —

They find out that the consequences are not “Mano y Mano”.

In the middle of Chapter 2 Malachi speaks to a man:

“You flood the Lord’s altar with your tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask why? It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth. Because you have broken faith with her though she is your PARTNER, the wife of your marriage covenant.”

The key points to consider were the guy was weeping and wailing. The guy’s offerings were being ignored. God had become a hostile witness.

We make offerings to ask God or thank God for something. But in this case God was no longer responding. The guy was desperate because God was apparently not responding or giving. In other words the faucet of provision and grace had been closed.

Just like water, when God shuts off provision EVERYBODY suffers. Our kids, our wife, our household, our employees, our business or career also shuts down. It’s not a one on one thing or a private sin. When the head has cancer the body dies.

This is no scare tactic. Anyone who actually is willing to do a real study can gather enough evidence that many folks who screwed around always paid the penalty. Careers that slumped, fortunes that went bust, fame that turned into shame or feuding families long after the guilty has gone.

A congressman who is now Governor somewhere in the Bicol region once complained that he used to read my column regularly but he noticed that I was getting spiritual lately.

I think the problem is that he and most people simply wrap up things in a quickie bag and mark it: TAKUSA or GAY or RELIGIOUS.

When you’re having so much fun enjoying the effects of the poison of your choice, you’re hearing tends to go bad, your senses go numb and your eyes go blind.

To all the so-called TAKUSA, Cheers!  We can love our wife in public, we can dine in public and we can go to sleep never worrying we might call her the wrong name!

H