Net Politesse

“Do you have a Friendster account?” That question always throws me off. I never really know what to say.

The answer, of course, is “yes.” But if I do say yes, it means that other person will have access to my personal life. He or she will know who my friends are, my book choices, my movie choices. Those stupid poses I held for a camera, when I let my guard down and acted silly. It’s like I’m letting new strangers in my zone of privacy. Letting them go to the next level of friendship. All these, when I don’t know who they are!

On the other hand, if I say “no,” then for sure I’m going to get in trouble once they find out, through other friends who have links with me, that I have one.

Sometimes, I demurely say, “I’m too old to have an account, only my 10-year old niece has that.” Impliedly criticizing the asker, and giving the impression, without actually saying it, that I have none.

Sometimes, I say off-handedly, “Oh yeah, but I access it only like once a year, so it won’t be worth it.” Meaning, drop the subject, twerp.

Most of the time, I stutter and say “Um, yes, I’ll give you the address later,” hoping they’ll forget they ever raised the topic.

Life in the 21st century. With the advent of personal web spaces, it’s like there’s a whole new social etiquette waiting to be formulated by netizens. What do I do when what happens? Who dictates the rules?

For example, in Friendster, there’s this feature that lets you check out who’s been checking you out.

Everyone that looks at your site is identified and listed. You click on the thumbnail pics, and that leads you to the personal home address of the original clicker. Nice and convenient, right?

Well, what if you suddenly realize clicker is a person you really, really like. What are you supposed to do then? Are you supposed to acknowledge it by sending a smiley? Do you ignore it, in which case you’ll be considered a snob, and probably lose the last chance on earth for you to strike up a conversation with your crush? But the thing is, what if your crush didn’t really intend to check you out?

See, that’s the other thing that’s dangerous about Friendster. Sometimes, you check out your friend’s friends, and get arrested by someone visually appealing (at least, in a picture the size of a pea). You follow the trail and enlarge the pic, only to realize, with horror and revulsion, that it’s that obnoxious know-it-all who you’d rather die than be seen talking to. Or worse, it’s that stalker you’ve been trying to avoid.

Good God, now your stalker thinks you the stalkee is showing some interest. Gross.

So, going back to the original scenario, and you see your crush has clicked on your site. What if your crush also just made a mistake and didn’t intend to invade your space with his or her very welcome presence? Do you humiliate yourself even further, and give your crush even more discomfort, by dropping a few lines?

Let’s not even talk about extremes. What if it’s just someone you know very casually? Is it impolite not to acknowledge his visit, even with just a friendly hello? Or was that person the one impolite, for passing by, looking at your picture, checking out your friends, and then not even saying hello?

Because he didn’t say hello, does that give you the license to ignore him back? Or would that be a sign of bad breeding? So, should you just send a smiley?

That’s not even the worst of it. Say you’re a very devious person. So you see the Friendster account of your crush, and you click on it. Being the devious person you are, you deliberately don’t do anything. No smiley. No message. The plan of action is, you wait until your crush sees you when she clicks on that link telling her who’s been clicking her, and hope with bated breath that you are also her crush. You wait for magic to happen. You wait. And wait.

Sigh. I think this Friendster thingie breeds a bit of neuroticism.

Oh, and the other thing is, what if your account visitor sees all the lies you’ve created around your net persona? Like your fake age or your retouched pictures? Hmm.

Now, that’s a reason not to give real friends your alternate Friendster account.