Corrupt Juan number one

As the Beatles sang… I read the news today oh boy… The Philippines is now No. 1 most corrupt country.

Of course any self-respecting Filipino might be a bit insulted and feel compelled to say it’s exaggerated.

To begin with, most of those asked don’t live here and they compare things relative to more developed countries. They might even be culturally unaware of how and why we do certain things.

That is always the problem between the SENSITIVE and the NUMB.

While others are shocked, disgusted or horrified by certain conditions such as toddlers begging for food outside restaurants, by government servants demanding illegal payments to process applications, policemen slapping fines for imaginary offenses, we the NUMB live with it.

We tap the car window three times so the syndicated beggars will know we won’t give, we incorporate petty bribes and justify it as giving benevolence funds to the greedy, we plead, scratch our heads and talk our way out of a ticket. If that doesn’t work we mention a relative or talk about which national hero would the SOB want to keep in his wallet as remembrance.

To us delay and lost time is more valuable than honesty, integrity, and righteousness.

We are so righteous that we cheat the BIR and justify it by saying we don’t want to give the thieves in government more money to steal.

We are so righteous that after stealing what is Ceasar’s we call him a thief but demand service, protection and integrity as well. Truth be told no Filipino can complain about the perceived corruption in our country. Our landscape is so full of MONUMENTS OF CORRUPTION that you could conduct a tour for Filipinos and foreigners alike.

Before the NPA blew it up, the Marcos bust in La Union was a reminder of Martial Law corruption, the concrete pine tree on Session Road was the center of controversy, the parking meters of Session Road remain as daily reminder on the issue of corruption charges.

SBMA for the longest time has been the battleground of political and business groups hurling accusations of smuggling, drugs, and corruption. A ferry ride away stands one of the most expensive and TOTALLY useless monuments of corruption — the Bataan nuclear plant.

An hour away you can find the Clark Centennial Expo which after much uproar has not resulted in any serious charges in spite of publicly known overpricing, graft and corruption.

As you enter Manila please take note of our useless NAIA 3 terminal which after many delayed openings won’t be opened until after we spend even more money to fix it even before we use it.

Don’t be offended if upon your arrival at the NAIA 1 you may have been harassed by fake policemen. They’re actually airport security guards playing cops. The airport manager is trying his best to fire a few of them.

Oh, so very sorry Anjin san. If BID asks you for cigarettes. He just want to keep you healthy. Oh please don’t touch young Filipinas sneaking out of country. Maybe you’ll meet them when you go to Middle East.

Please take in the scenery as we bring you to one of the most expensive roadways ever built, the Diosdado Macapagal boulevard. At least it doubles as our legal drag race strip on occasion.

We also have the shortest above ground road called the Skyway. It was suppose to go all the way to Alabang but last I heard they ran out of cement. No one has been charged for violating the agreement.

Unique to the Philippine landscape are tricycles which take more passengers than its engine is designed for, it has no safety standards, in fact it is not safe to be in an accident. But only in the Philippines will you find it on our main highways, the EDSA and C-5.

The world famous jeepney is facing extinction. But in spite of not having any lights at night, no brake lights all day, missing plate numbers, they just keep going.

In the mean time please observe our efficient TMG and LTO pick out lady drivers, young kids, and artistic individuals who have put a little litter, a little color to their very visible plates and fine them to ask for a remembrance.

Why is the jeepney facing extinction? Oh very simple Tuli san. All the Japanese AUVs called FX have flooded the streets without permits, no tax payments, etc. But strange, why also no arrests.

Traffic doesn’t move because every city has several "historical illegal terminals". They’ve been there for so long blocking traffic, like the one on Ortigas avenue in front of Robinsons Galleria, but no one can remove it!

Fire? Oh no. There’s no fire — that’s either a senator or congressman rushing to his next campaign appearance. Or maybe it’s a scooter using a siren as a horn.

Yes, they are illegal but the police don’t arrest them and the people in Customs never seem to see these products inside containers because we have a very efficient system they call pakyaw. Fixed price no open.

Speaking of prices, please do not wonder why vendors in public market don’t give receipts. They don’t have any because the BIR don’t want to go to the public market because their barong might get dirty. They only want businessmen to take them to lunch or dinner in first class Golf and Country clubs.

They like exclusive places because they think media cannot go there.

The NLEX and SLEX bring you to the countryside full of golf courses. Some of them made from the money of dead soldiers so their bosses could have their own country club. By the way if all roads lead to Rome, in Philippines the NLEX and SLEX lead to jueteng country and jueteng lords.

When we go to Batangas pier so you can go to Puerto Galera, please don’t listen to the security guard. They will tell you NO FERRY and make you take small bancas. Captain of bancas used to be in movie . . . Pirates of the Carribean.

When we go back we ride "aircon bus". Probably colorum or no franchise and driver no license because police confiscated. Is it alright? Of course NOT! If accident happens no insurance no pay. Company only pays casket OK na!

Oh excuse me. I have to check the e-mail. The parents who saved so much money but lost the education plan for their children are asking me to vote for their party list so they can fight corruption.

Corrupt naman talaga ‘di ba?

Does it hurt because you caused it? Or because you didn’t do anything about it?