Growing old alone in Japan

December last year, a Japanese student of the Kyoto Bunkyo University asked what my deepest impression of Japan was upon my arrival.

When we came to Japan in October last year, I told him, my husband Orly and I were surprised and saddened to witness an old woman, who looked about 80 years old, eating a late dinner all alone by herself in a department store restaurant. It was a cold night and she seemed to have difficulty in seeing as she peered closely and slowly poked through her food. The weight of her age may not have been as heavy as the weight in her heart at being alone and having to eat dinner that night as well as the rest of her subsequent meals all by herself. It was clear, I told the student, that growing old alone in Japan was getting to be a common, yet sad and difficult sight to witness.

We have written about the elderly who stay in a home where there are paid caretakers who give them attention, in lieu of their family members. They may also be feeling a different type of weight in their hearts, knowing that they are no longer with their own family members in their own homes. While their physical needs may be attended to in the special homes for the elderly, one wonders whether their emotional needs are sufficiently met as well.

This week, on our way to the airport to send off our children Karlo, Aiko and her friend Ali for their return to Cebu, we had another occasion to see how difficult it must be to grow or be old alone in Japan. Rather than take the usual bus or fast train to the airport, we all decided to take the slower regular train. As the trip was to take two hours and a half, we comfortably seated ourselves and immediately fell asleep, swayed by the regular movement, rhythm, and sound of the slow moving train.

Suddenly, we heard the urgent voice of our daughter Aiko, trying to wake us up because "may hinimatay na matandang babae, Papa," she said. Being a reflexotherapist, Aiko knew that her Papa Orly, on many occasions, had been able to revive those who have fainted. Orly rushed immediately to the old woman who by now was being held and supported by a number of kind Japanese passengers. We gave way for her to take our seats and as she reclined on my shoulders, for the first time, I saw a very kind face of someone about 60 to 70 years of age but I was so worried to see her so white and drained of any color. "Lord, please let her be okay," I silently prayed as I remembered a similar episode inside a plane where an old Japanese man, looking more pale than this present old woman in the train, had died of a heart attack even before we could get to him.

Orly tried to massage through her gloved yet very cold hands. She was in and out of consciousness at first, apologizing for the trouble that she was causing everyone. A young Japanese male asked her which station she was to get off from and she mentioned the next station. He said he was also getting off the next station so he could help her out and then she can call for someone to meet her at the station and she muttered a weak but grateful thank you. Then she was unconscious again for a short while, and after continued hand massage, her color returned and by this time, she was able to inform us all that she had just come from the burial ceremony of her mother. Having been so physically busy and emotionally drained, she said her blood pressure may have suddenly risen. That plus the sudden change of temperature from the cold to the very warm, heated temperature inside the train may have caused her to faint.

It was beautiful to see how the Japanese kindly responded to this old woman who fainted inside the train. One rushed and informed the train driver about the old woman and as the train conductor apologized to the passengers for the delay in the train due to the emergency condition of the old woman, she was asked by a train official if she wanted to be brought to the hospital. She said she was feeling better, that she would instead get off, rest a while, and wait for someone to fetch her at the next station. Again, she apologized to all for bothering them with her condition. She also thanked everyone profusely for their kind care and support. As she regained her strength and color, she was still bowing to all and saying thank you as she got off the next station, kindly held and supported by other concerned train passengers who got off at the same station.

Would a family member come to fetch this 60-year-old looking woman from the station, many of us may have wondered. We certainly hoped so as we prayed that she was not one of those Japanese growing old all alone by their lonely selves in this land of the rising sun.

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