What is happening to the Filipino family?

An observer of the local scene in the last few weeks, when several shocking incidents took place - a man shooting to death his own wife, a nephew stabbing his own uncle, a teen-ager asking a friend to kill his own cousin, an uncle and a father allegedly raping and murdering a daughter - this observer wailed: What is happening to this country? It is an interesting question, but the more appropriate one is this: What is happening to the Filipino family?

The family is the basic communal unit, the primary group where the individual first experiences living with other people. It is where he first gets his sense impressions of people and events as well as his concept of right and wrong. Values both personal and social are first learned here either through the elders' verbalized instruction or through informal observation. From his face-to-face interaction with the other members of the family he develops habits of thought and action which together with his value patterns characterize him as a distinct individual. In fact, his very self-concept is formed within the family circle and his identity too bears the hallmark of the group. That's why in Cebu we have this saying: "Ungo si Tatay mo, ungo si Nanay mo, ikaw anak man, ungo mong tanan!"

Time was when the Filipino family was a fountain-head of virtuous living. It was a solid institution anchored on strict religious ethos. It functioned as the "domestic church", to quote an encyclical, which proclaimed the gift of procreation even as it taught the meaning of life, suffering and death. Through daily prayers as well as through its day to day activities, the family articulated lessons of honesty, integrity, unity and peace, which guided the members in their participation in social and political life.

Here's a scenario on the average Filipino family during those idyllic days: As evening draws near, the father, tired from work, makes his way home. There he finds his wife busy with her usual chores and the children too, also busy with their assigned tasks. The boys are chopping firewood or drawing water from an artesian well or a spring, while the girls are cleaning the house or helping their mother at the kitchen. Once dinner is ready the family gather around a table, say their prayer, and partake of the food. After supper (or sometimes before it), the family say the "oracion", a prayer usually consisting of Our Father and Hail Mary's and a reflection on the mystery of the Annunciation. Homework follows for the children or an informal socialization consisting of parlor games or storytelling.

The family was characterized by emotional closeness among the members. Love was the inspiring theme of their lives and service was their guidepost. It was not surprising therefore that from this kind of family emerged self-respecting individuals well steeped in socio-cultural ethics, deeply religious and deeply patriotic. These were the Filipinos who built this country. Their progenies included some of the greatest Filipinos in the twentieth century: Quezon, Osmeña, Rojas, Quirino, Garcia, Magsaysay, Macapagal, Laurel, Abad Santos and others. Here in Cebu we had the like of Buenaventura Rodriguez, Dionisio Jakosalem, Vicente and Filemon Sotto, Don Pedro Cui, Sotero Cabahug, Sergio Osmeña Jr., Paulino and Vicente Gullas and a host of others.

But the contemporary Filipino family - what has happen to it? Drawn into the vortex of industrialization and entrepreneurship, the family is losing its grip on traditional values. It has become grossly materialistic in outlook and self-centered in tendency. A semblance of religiosity it still clings to but the spiritual and the supernatural no longer exert a directive force in its world view. Wanting in divine filiations, looseness of behavior results. Filial loyalty and fraternal love occupy a backseat in the mind. There is a disintegration in the members' hold on each other. Divorce and infidelity result. The use of drug becomes an inducement warping the individual's sense of propriety and driving him towards anti-social behavior.

With the disintegration in the quality of family life, are we surprised that most contemporary Filipinos lack the essential goodness and strength of character of their forebears? Are we surprised that the kind of leadership we have had the last three decades has been wanting in the greatness of mind and selflessness of the early Filipino leaders?