Marriage trap

If the proposed divorce bill is unconstitutional, we should repeal the laws allowing annulment and legal separation, since they also go against the constitutional provision on preserving the family.

Yet there are ways out of a failed marriage in our statute books, which means the nation does acknowledge that sometimes marriages fail, that often, living happily ever after and fairy tale endings happen only in, well, fairy tales.

The road to an annulment or legal separation is tortuous. The process, which takes many years and can deplete a couple’s life savings, can be speeded up if either husband or wife is willing to be officially classified as psychologically incapacitated. No matter how inaccurate, that kind of baggage, carried around forever, can ruin some careers.

Divorce will make the process of ending a failed marriage easier and less costly. The bill filed by women’s sectoral representative Lisa Maza also aims to make remarriage easier for estranged couples. I would imagine that women’s groups would also want any divorce law to compel husbands to pay alimony.

For that last reason alone, I doubt that any divorce bill will be passed by the male-dominated Congress.

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The main reason that will be cited by lawmakers, however, will be opposition from the Catholic Church. Any opposition voiced by the Church to divorce proposals is expected; the Church cannot go against its basic beliefs and teachings. It would be news if the Church endorses divorce.

Lawmakers, however, should be careful in citing their reasons for opposing a divorce bill. The separation of Church and State is also enshrined in our Constitution, although you wouldn’t guess that there is such a provision in the Charter from the way some crucial government policies are made.

Some of those opposing the bill may not even know that there is a so-called Catholic divorce, available to VIPs such as members of the Kennedy clan, who have all the means at their disposal to get special dispensation from Rome for annulment and remarriage.

In our predominantly Catholic nation, there is at least one annulment case involving a prominent clan where Church remarriage was allowed. But the bride and groom in the second marriage were not allowed to enter through the main entrance of the Church. Instead they had to approach the altar through the side doors.

You’ll probably need enough money to build a church, however, or at least the right connections in Heaven to get that rare privilege.

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Ordinary folks who have enough money only to pay wedding fixers at City Hall will find themselves stuck forever with the lemon they made the mistake of marrying.

The government should make getting married as tough as ending it, so that couples who are hallucinating about being in love do not plunge with their eyes closed into what is supposed to be a lifelong relationship.

Getting married in this country, however, is so easy that it’s not unusual for men to be legally bound to several women in different regions, all of whom believe they are Casanova’s one and only. Sometimes men will sign a marriage certificate simply to get a woman into bed, and then leave her when the novelty of the relationship wears off.

One recent article on the Internet said passion in a relationship lasts about six months. After that the couple must work at making the relationship last. For scoundrels, it’s easier to simply dump the girl and find a new one. (Okay, I’ll admit that women these days are also guilty of this.)

What do you do when the romance is over but you are bound by the laws of both God and the State to stay with your spouse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, through anorexia or obesity?

In the Philippines, the guys have it easy. They simply find another girl, perhaps even start a second family. Maybe even a third, if a guy can afford it. And a fourth…

Other men will look at him with envy, especially if the girls are all gorgeous and he can afford to keep all of them happy.

If the poor first wife finds out and starts nagging the husband and making his life miserable, he might knock her around a bit, just to show her who’s boss. Not too many women will dare to seek help and admit that they have been turned into a punching bag by their Romeo. The fear of pity and ridicule is higher for women whose weddings were grand productions, whose relationships started out like fairy tales. The fear is also obviously higher for a woman who is financially dependent on her husband, whose life is defined by her spouse.

In the rare event that the wronged wife finds another man, public ridicule may turn out to be the least of her worries. Her philandering husband, his machismo pricked, could give her the worst beating of her life and may even murder her. And there will be many people who will think that the wanton wife deserved it.

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Even without physical abuse, the fact is that love dies and marriages fail. I don’t know why people must be condemned to live forever in misery and lies, kissing a spouse while thinking of someone else, sharing a bed just to save on electricity for air-conditioning. That has to be hell in a very small space, and no one should wish such a wretched fate on another human being.

March, observed as Women’s Month, and the filing of the divorce bill revived the national debate on the sanctity of marriage. That bill, like previous divorce proposals, looks headed for the archives.

Most of our lawmakers aren’t going to junk it for reasons of faith or adherence to the Constitution, but simply for personal convenience. Plus the passionate belief, nurtured in a culture of hypocrisy, that legal separation and annulment are already working just fine, so if it ain’t broke, why fix it?