Declaration of nullity

My column on divorce elicited a lot of response and queries. One of the emails I got was from a reader whom I shall only name as B since I was not able to ask her permission to print her full name. The reader will feel the anguish she went through to have a court annulment of her marriage. The process cost a lot. Here’s the letter.

"Dear Domini,

"I am a devout Roman Catholic, with a very traditional, conservative upbringing and I was educated from elementary to college in an exclusive girl’s school run by nuns – College of the Holy Spirit and St. Paul College. I am currently finishing my thesis in clinical counseling psychology at a topnotch Catholic university.

"Whether the divorce law will be passed or not will not benefit me as my marriage was already annulled in 2001. Thank God, after five grueling years and spending close to P400,000.

"It took me a lot of courage to file for annulment and only after undergoing counseling and sessions with my psychologist.

"It is interesting to note that it was a Catholic priest, a staunch supporter of the sanctity of family/marriage who influenced my decision to file for annulment.

At some point, I was feeling a strong sense of guilt that I would be violating the laws of God, and in fact, I asked the priest, ‘Isn’t it Father, what God has put together, let no man put asunder?’ His enigmatic reply to me was, ‘Why, was it God who put you together?’

"Another question/apprehension was, "Isn’t it that it says in the Bible, woman, obey, and be subservient to your husband?’ His reply was, ‘Yes, but if your husband is Christ-like.’

"I remember in our discussions, we talked about the stage of maturity of the Catholic Church, our nation/culture and people, and that it is still at an infantile stage. Maybe, that is why we have not really progressed as a nation.

"I don’t think anyone would like to have a failed marriage. We all want to have a happy and successful marriage. But, there comes a point that no matter what you do, your marriage just won’t work and the mutual respect gradually is eroded and disrespect sets in. Or worse, spouses just totally ignore each other – but they stay together, to put up a semblance of their still being one! This situation abounds in our society.

"In fact, when I was working in a multinational bank, one expat woman officer asked me, ‘Why can’t spouses just cut clean and maintain mutual respect and live their own lives? Their children will even have respect for them. Why do they still remain married but have different families or spouses?’ She could not comprehend the duplicity and the complications that we bring upon ourselves. I just replied that there is no divorce in this country, and that not all can file for annulment. She asked why? Because of the Catholic Church and politics.

"Come to think of it, even Poland and Italy (where the Vatican is), and Spain, which are the bastions of the Roman Catholic religion, have divorce now.

"I think this speaks of our own polarities, dualities, inconsistencies and duplicities as a nation, as a culture. We are the largest Catholic nation in Asia, yet we are No. 2 in corruption! There is just so much hypocrisy, politics of patronage, and too much emphasis on portraying a certain ‘image’ at the expense of authenticity, integrity and self-respect." – B

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Pakistan Ambassador to the Philippines Iftikhar Hussain Kazmi spoke proudly of the gains made in his country during the reception he gave last week in celebration of his country’s struggle for independence 65 years ago. It was on March 23, 1940, that Quaid-e-Azam Mohammad Ali Jinnah and his fellow nationalists led that struggle which was awarded seven years later, on August 14, 1947, with Pakistan’s dream be-coming, in the words of the ambas-sador, "an everlasting reality."

He stressed that democracy, rule of law and the respect for human rights "have always been an inseparable part of our people’s ethos." Two years ago, the administration of Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz set itself on the course of reforms, restructuring and improved governance.

And President Pervez Musharraf’s agenda for reform, revitalization of the economy and administration, have been "extremely rewarding for the country . . . his policies have lent stability and economic progress at home and peace in the sub-continent. Today, Pakistan’s economy is robust, its economic fundamentals such as GDP growth (over 7 percent) exports, FDI inflows, overseas remittances and foreign exchange reserves have continued to grow.

"Despite enormous risks," the ambassador said, "We have chosen to combat terrorism because Pakistan itself has been a victim of terrorism."

He mentioned the dispute between Pakistan and India over Kashmir as "a root cause of tension in the subcontinent." However, the state-parties have commenced the process of composite dialogue which is hoped to lead to a peaceful settlement.

He spoke of the close friendship and cooperation between Pakistan and the Philippines, and their sharing common perceptions of regional and international issues of peace and develop-ment. Last April, the second session of the Pakistan-Philippine Policy Consultations was successfully held.

Former Foreign Affairs Secretary Delia D. Albert’s visit to Pakistan in June 2004 gave a new impetus to the two countries’ bilateral relations. In the next few days, Foreign Affairs Secretary Alberto G. Romulo will be making his visit to Pakistan, and it is hoped that a Joint Economic Commission and a Joint Business Council and an agreement on cooperation in counter-terrorism will be signed shortly.

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Five journalists have opened a new and used bookstore at 105 Scout Castor, off Morato in Quezon City (just behind Grappas Restaurant, around ten meters down the street). BOOKstop has everything – from classics to erotica, war and sexuality, history, memoirs, anthologies, the environment and every theme in between plus religious and children’s books.

BOOKstop aims to be a cultural/intellectual melting pot without pretensions. Being planned are painting and photography exhibits and poetry and short story readings.

The owners of BOOKstop, says Inday Espina-Varona, are five officers of the National Union of Journalists of the Philippines (NUJP), whose office is on the second floor. Inday is the president of NUJP.

One may bring books on consignment basis, and book donations are most welcome. Sales from the books will go to the NUJP’s Defense Fund for Journalists. The Fund will defray costs of legal cases, especially of victims of violence, as well as the NUJP’s nationwide Safety and Ethics training seminars.

By the way, NUJP is coming up with a News Sources Directory to help journalists improve their coverage and expand this beyond the usual political and government sources.

For donations or consignments, contact Inday, CP 09167512522.

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E-mail: [email protected]