Family story untold

Except for a few passages in the New Testament, the family story of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph is mostly untold, like most of our own. Untold because it was so ordinary. And yet, hidden within the ordinary is the extraordinary.

Let me single out the human situation experienced by most families, including that of the Holy Family: As families grow older, the children need their parents less and less, while their parents need them more and more. This brings about a mixture of deep emotional experiences. Joy as well as sadness. Fulfilmment as well as hurts. Needs and expectations, particularly on the part of parents. This is what we see happening quite early in the life of the Holy Family, as told in today’s Gospel incident (Lk. 2:41-52).

On their way home to Nazareth from Jerusalem after the feast of Passover, the 12-year-old Jesus stayed behind without asking permission from his parents. Presuming he was with the rest of the caravan, Mary and Joseph went on with their journey, until after a day, they realized he was nowhere to be found. They rushed back to Jerusalem to look for him. After three, agonizing days of searchng, they finally found him in the temple with the gurus, engaged in dialogue like a wise adult.

As any worried mother would do, Mary spontaneously exclaimed, "Son,, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety." (v. 48). And what did the young Jesus say to her? "Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?" (v. 49). His parents were puzzled at his answer, and if I may add – quite hurt, too.

You can imagine what the rest of Jesus’ growing up years must have been like. Jesus as a teenager. Jesus as a young adult. Mostly preoccupied with his "Father’s business," which was not necessarily his foster-father’s carpentry business. As Jesus the son grew older, he needed his parents less and less, while they needed him more and more in their aging years. Many parents today know what this means, for they, too experience it. A mixture of joy and sadness, of achievement as well as sacrifice, of new needs and expectations as they grow older.

Much later, at the height of Jesus’ teaching ministry, Mary his mother came looking for him. (Mt. 12:46-50). "Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, looking for you." (v. 47). What was the reply of Jesus? "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, Jesus said: "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother, and sister, and mother." (vv. 48-50). Jesus’ immediate family is just a tiny part of God’s universal Family of Mankind. What a spiritually correct answer, but still – it hurts – from the human, emotional point of view.

Most parents experience this, as their children leave to start families of their own and establish their own work and life projects.

This is so eloquently captured in the words of Kahlil Gibran:

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for its self.

They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts....

You are the bows from which our chidren as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer‘s hand be for gladnsss; for even as He loves the arrow that flies, So He Loves also the bow that is stable."