Fr. Corsie’s open forum with teenagers - A POINT OF AWARENESS by Preciosa S. Soliven

(Last of a series on Fr. Corsie gives the facts of life to teenagers)

To conclude the series of articles I have written on Fr. Corsie Legaspi’s talk with teenagers, I have chosen a few relevant topics from the open forum session. The topics O.B. Montessori Professional High School students asked Fr. Corsie centered on love and sex, dealing with parents and family, separation and morality. The popular healing priest and psychology lecturer gave spontaneous and quite direct answers to everybody’s enlightenment.

On puppy love and boyfriends

The first few questions were thrown in by the young ladies. Rina, a junior started it off by asking "is infatuation or puppy love alright?" This was Fr. Corsie’s response," You are not adults. You are still minors. At your age, you are not capable of feeling true love. Pakiramdam niyo lang ’yan. Ang true love marunong ng commitment. You cannot commit yourself to anything yet. You will still meet a lot of young women and young men when you go to college. Enjoy. You still may cherish what you’re feeling now. Kami ng teachers niyo, iba ang level namin ng understanding of true love. As for me, I love priesthood. I will not trade it for anything else. That is true love.

Fifteen-year old Melissa wanted to know what courtship is all about, "I have a male friend who keeps on saying he loves me, but he is not really courting me. What does that mean?" Reiterating again his previous premise, Fr. Corsie insisted, "At your age, that is not true love. Just accept the ‘I love you’ at face value. Let him say it the whole day! When you graduate from high school, you will see better options in life Hayaan mo mag I love you maghapon."

The ‘friendly persuasion’ to do it

Sweet-looking Bea, a senior, courageously stood up to say, "My boyfriend wants to do ‘it’ with me I said ‘no’. He said that he will marry me in the future. Should I believe in him?"

Fr. Corsie strongly objected, "No! No! No, whoever you are. He is the king of deception and lies. Remember my words. There are millions of men better than him. Sabihin mo sa kanya, ikiskis niya sa pader. My God, yung ganyang lalaki, ang pakiramdam niya siya ang gift of God to womanhood. Puwede ba kayong mga lalaki, baka akala ninyo, kayo lang ang natitirang Adonis sa mundo. Dapat yan, ipinapako sa krus ang ganyang uri ng lalaki. Don’t give in to such kind of men. Respect yourself as a woman."

This question paved the way for Hilda, a mature-looking junior, to courageously admit, "We have tried it. He says he still loves me. We still love each other. Do you think it will last?"

Using the law of averages, Fr. Corsie believes that there is a very big chance that he is not going to marry you now or in the future. "He only wants your body. Pag isang araw sumawa yan at makakita pa siya ng ibang matitikman, iiwan ka niyan, iiwan ka niyan parang basahan."

He also insisted Hilda should go down on her knees and pray for enlightenment and the courage to make the right decision. She should also thank the Lord that she is not pregnant. "Ngayon nangyari na wala na tayong magagawa. Ngayong gabi lumuhod ka, at magdasal ka. Humingi ka ng tulong sa Diyos na maliwanagan, na magdesisyon ka na i-break mo na ang lalaking yan. Pasalamat ka sa Diyos hindi ka nagbuntis. If you got pregnant, that’s the end of you. First, being a minor, you won’t be allowed to get married. Talo ka diyan!

Having an older boyfriend

"I’m Stella. I am only 14 but I get attracted to older men. They say if you have a relationship with an older guy or an older girl marami kang matutuhan. Is it advisable to have a relationship with an older guy?"

Fr. Corsie discouraged Stella. He says many of the older men can be very immature and they couldn’t care less. "Not all older men are matino. Mayroon mga lalaki matanda sa edad, utak sago. Napaka-immature. May mga lalake older, maraming karanasan, gusto ka isama sa statistics ng mabibiktima. Do not fall for this guy. It doesn’t mean if he is mature, he will respect you or he would be good for you."

On the topic of sex only the girls had the guts to ask this type of question, "I’m Edna. My boyfriend has a lovechild with a previous girlfriend. Should I keep him as my boyfriend?"

Fr. Corsie states that these type of men cannot seem to take responsibility for their actions thus they cannot stand up for you. "Ito yung taong gumagawa ng journal, ng kanyang nabibiktima. These men have the "hit and flee" syndrome and they will go out of their way to get the woman of their dreams. Pag nakuha niya ang babae, kinabukasan paggising niya wala siyang feeling. Ganoon ang idea niya sa buhay. Girls, don’t fall prey to this type of men. His feelings for you are not genuine (Once the woman has been captured, he wakes up feeling nothing for her. That is his idea of life and living.)."

He further added a bit of sarcasm to inject reality to the girl’s illusion. "Try having a career ahead of you. It can be so pathetic that even if you graduated from college, your husband will insist that you stay home and take care of the children. If that is going to be the case, then don’t pursue your college studies. Kumuha ka ng seminar how to be a maid (Go and take a seminar on "how to be a maid!")."

On overprotective parents and the hen-pecked father

A shy freshman, Vincent, anxiously claimed, "My parents are overprotective. How am I supposed to handle them?"

Since our culture dictates it, traditional Filipino parents tend to become overprotective. We have always been taught to respect our elders. Unfortunately there is no perfect answer. Very few parents are open to change.

As a reminder Fr. Corsie reiterated, "Your parents own the house so they make the rules. It is considered disrespectful and rude for children to reason out, argue or negotiate. Don’t make your parents angry, you might forfeit your privileges."

Strong and assertive Claire added, "My dad is ‘under the saya’. Everyday mom shouts and nags at him. If he so decides to leave us, then who is to blame?" So candid was Fr. Corsie to say, "Gusto kong makilala yung tatay mo. I’d like to process the cause for his canonization as saint. Matindi yung kabaitan ng tatay mo. Palagay ko ang Diyos hindi na gumagawa ng ganyang lalaki. When your father gets tired of the way he is being treated, he will leave your mother. Yes, she may be the home-provider. If not, she would have no right to overpower her husband. Warn your mothers about being overpowering and domineering, for she may find herself at night, alone and lonely, with all the priests and the nuns singing, "Help me make it through the night," until past midnight.

When parents tell you to leave home

Andy is a typical teenager who can’t stand house rules. He has been given the "ship out or shape up" command by his father. He asks, "If your parents push you out of the house, do we as children have the right to stop this?"

It is always wise to sit down alone and analyze what one’s problem is. Basically, parents don’t ask their children to leave their homes. What was the pattern of events or pattern of rebellion on Andy’s part? "Umupo ka muna sa kwarto mo at ikaw ay mag-problem management. Tanong mo sa sarili mo, bakit ba ako pinalayas ng aking mga magulang? Furthermore, Fr. Corsie looking at Andy stressed, "You must have done something so grave to merit such a consequence. Introspection is needed. Do soul-searching. Make realizations. Acknowledge mistakes and start changing. Grow up!"

Is there a way to make parents realize how unfair they are to their children? This is how 15-year old Ramon felt about his parents. "How can I respect my parents when they do not respect me?"

Fr. Corsie compared parental management to the supervision of a seminary. Since he wanted to be a priest, he had to abide by the rules of the priests. Not all priests are nice and kind. There are those who curse and there are also those who are cruel. He had to learn the virtue of prudence. "In the seminary there are no grey areas. Black is black. White is white. Dahil gusto ko maging pari, titiisin ko ugali nila. Hindi lahat ng pari ay mabait, may mga paring nagmumura. May mga paring malulupit."

"I had no other choice but to live with it! If you feel you have problems with your parents, do your best and excel in whatever endeavor you enter into. Tiis, tiis lang. Makatapos ka lang. You don’t own the house and therefore you cannot make the rules. Patience. Patience. Just make sure you graduate. Then you may have freedom as you get a job."

On separation, divorce and stepmothers

Angelo was given no choice but to deal with his parents’ separation. Since he was five years old he has lived with his maternal grandparents. Now as a senior, he proudly says that he just had to learn how to adjust and to accept life without his parents. "My parents are divorced and both have their own families in America. Right after my high school graduation, they want me to migrate as well. This time I am given a choice whether to stay with papa or mama. What should I do?"

Fr. Corsie thought Angelo should be petitioned to America. "Now that you are still below 21, decide on this. You choose with whom you think you will be happier. Doon tiisin mo muna yung homesickness and loneliness. Adjust and be flexible. You still have four years to go before you graduate there. Then you can start a life of your own. This experience in America or elsewhere will further your chances in life. Go for it! Piliin mo na lang kung sino sa kanila. Sa mommy mo o sa daddy mo? Kung saan ka maligaya, doon ka pumunta."

What teenagers needs to mature

The basic psychology of teenagers is that they can mature if opportunities for economic independence are open to them. Western culture allows its teenagers to work part-time. In America, public high schools dismiss students by 2:30 p.m., never beyond. When the dismissal bell is sounded, seldom do you see teenagers just "hanging-out" with friends in the school grounds. Most of the juniors and seniors leave the school premises to go straight to their workplace. As part-time waitresses, bag boys, fastfood helpers, American teenagers learn the value of money early in life. By the time they graduate from high school they feel ready to "move out" and be independent. This independence is expressed by choosing colleges outside their state. Most of them work part time even as students at state colleges or community colleges.

The Chinese culture, the khotiam ("watch the store") is a practice where Chinese parents expose their mid-high school children between 14 to 16 to the family business. It prepares the next generation for the higher responsibilities of selling merchandise, costing them and eventually taking over the family business. In their hardware or grocery business, they may start receiving outside orders by telephone or help out in purchasing. The staff even recognizes their authority and help prepare the merchandise. Basic bookkeeping is taught to keep track of daily earnings. Thus, today, Chinese daughters may also hold important positions in the business, unlike in the ’50s when Chinese sons were favored.

On the other hand, the Filipino teenagers have been conditioned to become dependent. Since grade school weekly allowances are handed out by parents. Although they are taught to observe a budget or work out their savings, parent’s don’t usually demand that they earn this money. Owing to this, as they grow older they ask money from their parents to go on dates. During college, underprivileged young adults work in food counters or department stores or take janitorial jobs.

Courage to take risks

When a young adult does earn money by working, he or she will acquire wisdom because then the power to decide, the sense of responsibility, prudence, discretion and fairness to others should then become part of his personality, after all, a good business sense requires courage to take risks.

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