Crisis management - SKETCHES by Ana Marie Pamintuan

That text joke about Malacañang being divided into "maka-Ronnie" and "maka-Puno" camps is turning into something more than a joke. The buzz (or hiss) from the snake pit is that there’s growing tension between the brothers Zamora (Ronnie and Manny) and brothers Puno (Dong and Ronnie) on how to handle the latest crisis in the life of Erap.

These factions argued over whether the President should push for snap elections or a referendum, and even over the wording of presidential statements. This could be why President Erap can’t seem to decide whether to zig or zag in dealing with this crisis.

The brothers Zamora reportedly handle the financial side of crisis management. Given the number of people who are willing to sell their souls for 30 pieces of silver, you can be sure the brothers have their hands full these days.

Political affairs adviser Lito Banayo, who was allied with the Zamoras, reportedly threw his royal temper tantrum after Manny described one of his proposals as an "idiotic" idea. (I wonder what Manny thinks of… never mind.) Lito sent an SOS to Dong, but leaked his "resignation" to the media before Dong could calm him down. Lito is back as presidential consultant, after some of his "idiotic" proposals were followed anyway.

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Yes, Ronnie Puno is back in harness, handling the intricacies – I’m not saying the dirty tricks – of public relations and the President’s image projection. His brother, whose day you can ruin by reminding him of those text jokes about "Dong Puno Lied," has a standard reply to incriminating questions: "I have no personal knowledge of that… it is only the President who can answer that."

At the latest Cabinet meeting, President Erap wondered aloud why Dong was the only one in his official family defending the ship that’s taking in water. The President urged his Cabinet members to help Dong bail out. Dong apparently took that as a compliment, but others thought it was the President’s way of telling him that his best wasn’t good enough.

That bizarre, threatening TV appearance of the military and police top brass after the President’s speech some nights back, which sent the message of reconciliation, or else… , was reportedly the brainchild of the brothers Puno – or at least one brother, since Dong probably had no personal knowledge of the telecast.

That production must have given Ronnie Zamora nearly as big a headache as the President’s admission that his aide Edward Serapio received P200 million from Ilocos Sur Gov. Chavit Singson. Oh well, a few more weeks and Zamora will be filing his certificate of candidacy for Congress.

The deadline for the filing of certificates will give several Cabinet members a graceful exit, without looking like they’re just fair-weather friends. Even the deadline, however, may be too late for Dong Puno. The unsolicited advice from his fans is that he should quit as soon as possible, because contrary to the rosy prognosis of Ambassador to the US Ernesto Maceda, the Estrada ship continues to take in water. Jump ship now and salvage what you can, Dong.

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Meanwhile, as if there weren’t enough cooks already, Maceda breezed into town, poking his nose into crisis management. Before returning to Washington the other day, Maceda said he would resign as ambassador effective Dec. 31 so he could become the President’s "full-time crisis manager." The buzz is that Maceda is the one identifying the weaknesses of lawmakers who can be won over to the President’s side. Or won back. With a little help from the war chest of Eduardo "Danding" Cojuangco and some other presidential friends.

So don’t put too much weight on some of those recent defections. Watch the politicians who crawl sheepishly back to the LAMP fold. A number of these defectors just want to up the ante – nagpapataas lang ng presyo. Opposition politicians are aware of this, which is why they know the Senate battle over the President’s fate is going to be ugly and could lead to exoneration.

As far as the President is concerned, exoneration is the only reason he’s going through this painful process, which could force even his mistresses to face the Senate. So he’s preparing for the battle of his life.

In this town of rumor mongers, attention these days is focused on the amount set aside for battle. One version is P1 billion: P200 million each for two persons, the rest P100 million each. Another version puts the amount at just P600 million.

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The President also wants his forthcoming Cabinet revamp (a sure thing since several Cabinet members are running in the elections next year) to have a dramatic impact.

Apart from the revamp, here’s a memo issued Nov. 3 by Presidential Management Staff chief Ramon Cardenas, addressed to all Cabinet members after their meeting that day:

"In the course of the discussion, the President, in response to a suggestion made, instructed the Cabinet Secretaries to quickly come up with two or three spectacular reforms in their respective departments to counter the negative perception of the public and the international community."

We bate our breath for these "spectacular" reforms.

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Because Estrada allies appear to have the numbers in the Senate, his opponents are planning moves that will put the heat on certain senators. These senators will be deluged with letters, text messages, even calls on their cell phones, appealing to their conscience. Crisis management teams of the opposition are also running at full throttle.

Never say die. Remember the dramatic epiphany of Manny Villar.