How to entertain yourself while waiting for appointments or sitting in traffic: reduce the plots of movies into haikus.
La Dolce Vita
Blonde in the fountain.
Paparazzi. Orgies. Death.
Stare of a dead fish.
Seven Samurai
Village hires warriors
to defend them from bandits
for handfuls of rice.
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie
Everyone gets dressed
and goes out to dinner, but
no one gets to eat.
The Exterminating Angel
Everyone gets dressed
and goes to the party, but
no one gets to leave.
Band of Outsiders
Race across the Louvre.
Dance in a cafe. Plan a heist.
Live in a movie.
Vertigo
He falls in love once
He falls in love twice, and each
time the woman falls.
Breathless
Stolen car. Dead cop.
“Run away with me.” Jump cut.
She turns him in. Bitch.
The Great Escape
Steve McQueen captured
by Nazis. Escapes. Gets caught.
Escapes. Caught. Repeat.
My Life To Live
Pluck out the feathers.
Beneath it, skin. Take it off.
Beneath is the soul.
Andrei Rublev
Andrei paints icons.
The Tatars invade Russia.
A boy casts a bell.
The Last Temptation of Christ
On the cross he has
a vision that enrages
the Holy Roman Church.
The House of Games
Shrink meets charming con.
Shrink is uncharmingly conned.
Don’t mess with a shrink.
Weekend
Traffic, accidents,
Revolutions, abductions,
And then cannibals.
Written On The Wind
Nympho loves brother’s
Best bud Rock Hudson. Hon, he’s
so not into you.
What Time Is It There?
She buys his watch, goes
to Paris. He sets all clocks
to Parisian time.
Temptation Island
Four babes and a queen,
The maid, three hunks, an island.
Let there be catfights.
The Reader
Let’s pretend common
Germans had no idea
What the Nazis did.
The Sorrow and The Pity
Contrary to the
movies, the French were not all
in the Resistance.
Psycho
Knife in the shower.
Blood in the drain. Stuffed birds. A
boy loves his mummy.
Star Wars
Help me, Obi-wan.
Destroy Death Star. Use the Force.
Luke, I’m your father.
The Godfather
The bloody horse head
Is only the beginning.
Sleep with the fishes.
Blue Velvet
Under clear blue skies,
Inside white picket fences,
An ear in the grass.
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