He’s the kind of guy
who’s always passin’ by
Who never has time to spend
And he’ll take you for a spin
and won’t look within
To find out who you are…
Watch out, he’ll charm you… — Charm Attack by Leona Naess
I’m now awake after a long stupor, thanks to a cold shower. After several months of hogwash, it has finally happened. While it normally would have been a slap in the face that would reduce any girl to tears, I’ve never been this happy to finally come to terms that this guy is — and will always be — just a charmer.
Not too long ago, I was texting with a good friend of mine about this guy and how excited I was about him. Being an A-Girl herself, my friend would normally be excited about these things. However that day, she told me to take a cold shower instead to douse my feelings (figuratively speaking).
Being a stubborn brat, I was shocked by what she said since I was merely speaking my mind. Surely, everybody has felt this way about someone at some point in time. In fact, she, too, was feeling the same way about someone — so why tell me to take a cold shower? It’s normal to feel giddy about a guy, just like how you felt back in fourth grade when your crush passed you a message on a sheet of pad paper. Friggin’ normal, right?
Not quite. Especially when the guy in question is only as good as his text messages. Yeah, “Good morning! Mwah!” messages can give you a fuzzy feeling. That can surely put anybody — guy, girl and gay alike — in a great mood. But after several months of “Mwah mwah mwah hug hug hug” messages — C’mon dude, is that all you can do? Alas, the excitement of the “mwah-hug” messages had waned. “Words alone sound cheap.” So sang Wood in Never A Day. A little action, though not necessarily in the carnal sense, would be appreciated. A little effort to show that those electronic hugs and kisses could also happen in the real world.
Just fairly recently, I was in a bit of a dilemma that involved a potentially life-changing decision. This guy, being a friend of mine too, was consulted. I gave him the summarized version of my situation, thinking that he’d be able to give sound advice. However, I got the unexpected: an “Errr…” response to a serious question. No, I didn’t need Dr. Phil, nor did I need Manang Bola and her crystal ball. I just wanted his opinion. Had I known that that was the only reaction I’d get from him, I could have just asked a waiter for advice instead. But if you think the “Errr…” was the absolute worst, think again. A few days after, I told him of my final decision. Did he say “Errr…” again? Or perhaps “Ummm…?” Nothing. Nada. Zilch. At that moment, dumbfounded and disappointed, I then realized that I had been dealing with a blank wall all this time.
One afternoon, I went to the mall to buy a gift for my niece. High on allergy medicines, I went on a shopping spree and bought, among others, a new pair of jeans. Not only did I discover that said pair of jeans was a tad pricey, I discovered something else. By accident, the truth was finally revealed right before my groggy eyes. I was stupefied, stunned, and stoned like Dido. Errr… Was my mind playing tricks on me? Was this a Benadryl-induced hallucination? But I saw what I saw and that was all I needed.
In the words of U2, “Did I ask for too much? More than a lot? You gave me nothing, now it’s all I’ve got.” I’ve had my fair share of playas. Back in the day (I’m still in my 20s), I played the game too. It was all about the ego, all about getting a new notch on your belt. But at this age (again, I’m still in my 20s), you begin to understand that it isn’t just about the game. In fact, it’s more than just the game — it’s about dealing with emotions, both love and fear; both yours and his alike. Because I hang out with guys of his type, and have even dated guys of his variety too, I have now come to realize that I deserve more than just a playa. I deserve more than just a hug and kiss of the SMS kind, which perhaps every girl on his phonebook also gets. I deserve more than just words from a charmer. More specifically, I deserve a real guy who will step up to the plate and do what he says. A man of action.
As Damien Rice once sang, “And so it is, the colder water.” Bun Estavillo has finally taken a cold shower and is now wide awake to reality. Frankly, and strangely enough, I’m happy for him. Maybe the girl he’s with is content with SMS “mwahs” and “errrs”. Coolness. More importantly, I’m happy for myself. For snapping back to reality. For knowing what I deserve. For finally hanging up my jersey and walking out from the game.
Every time a new month dawns upon us, I tell my best friend: New month, new guy. Fresh and clean from a much-needed cold shower, and wearing my new pair of jeans, I’m psyching myself up. This amazing pair of jeans doesn’t only give me a new look; it’s given me a new outlook. I welcome the new month with much vigor and excitement. Surely there will be a new guy. Perhaps this new guy might just be man enough to give hugs and kisses. For real, this time.
* * *
This music junkie is listening to her song-of-the-moment: Roses by Outkast. For comments/feedback, you may e-mail her at bunny.estavillo@gmail.com.