The golden globes of Beyoncé and other mishaps

Life can always be rated according to the Baldwin System – Stephen Baldwin being the lowest and Alec arguably the highest. So maybe the Golden Globes in a worldwide sense is the William Baldwin (the dude married to Chynna Philips and who has remained mildly cute) of awards ceremonies. It’s anticipated but not quite the playoffs, if you know what we mean.

If last year’s awards were so boring (we didn’t even bother to write about them) this year’s became more interesting, from post-breakup Cameron Diaz looking like a sheep (alternately sounding like a sheep) to the untouchable Cate Blanchett, proving she’s just as human in a stinky McQueen don’t.

Here are YStyle’s picks of the those who ruled the red carpet and those who will be firing their stylists and finding new ones, just in time for Oscar season.

Angelina Jolie

Celine: I’m a Libran and when Brad left Jen, I was Team Jolie all the way because, well, it’s in the stars. I’m that superficial. The St. John dress is a surprise since my mom wears St. John and nothing she has looks like this. It even makes her tattoos dignified.

Bea: St. John’s poster girl does her endorser proud in this gray dress with a gathered bodice and full skirt. Word on the street had it that Jolie originally balked at the earlier frocks offered to her by the matronly label so the St. John team scrambled to get something more appropriate for the jet-setting Vogue cover girl and momma of three. The results, in our un-biased opinion, were fabulous. Marcheline Bertrand’s little girl is now a woman and this classy gown, along with the glowing man by her side, is proof enough.

Beyoncé

Celine: If desperation were a dress it would be this. Her mom should stop dressing her – seriously!

Bea: All that glitters isn’t gold, at least by Beyoncé’s standards. Homegirl lost the best actress bid to Globe fave Meryl Streep. Don’t worry, Beyoncé, you can melt this dress and make a statuette of your own.

Cameron Diaz

Celine: I know, I know – the rites of a breakup entail eating lots of pastries. However Cameron Diaz took it one step further by actually wearing one. It’s an homage to every red carpet disaster known to man, the Bjork gown to the ill-fitting bodice that Gwyneth had on her Pepto-Bismol pink Ralph Lauren gown the year she won her first – and hopefully last – Oscar.

Bea: Cameron’s clearly on the hunt for some man meat. The hooker lipstick and shoe-shine black hair shouts maneater while the poufy, tiered frock spells insta-bride. She’s ready to meet her man and marry him. Boys, beware.

Ellen Pompeo

Celine: I’m biased. The dress is OK, boring. But if you are a pop junkie and have seen her Punk’d episode where was a total witch, then you’d hate everything she’s wearing, too.

Bea: Sister better gain weight pronto. With her ghostly complexion and a physique teetering into Mary-Kate Olsen-department skinny, Ellen Pompeo could pass for a ghost. And this white frock does her no favors. (OK, I’m biased, too. Watch her Punk’d episode on YouTube and you’ll see what we’re talking about.)

Sienna Miller

Celine: Another post-breakup fashion roadkill. Her face looks like Helen of Troy – it can launch a thousand ships and start a war. In Sienna’s case, it’s the Gulf War. Her oily mug surely works well with an equally greasy gown that is desperately trying to bring back that horrid mermaid trend. Sienna, you ain’t Cher. Only she can rock the mermaid dress!

Bea: Sienna looks like Heidi – not Klum, mind you. She resembles more of the goatherd variety. Girl is ready to milk the cows and sing something along the lines of "The hills are alive with the sound of you know what…"

Cate Blanchett

Celine: Well, she was definitely trying something different here. If the Tower of Babel had a dress it would be this. So many ideas or rather doilies! Even if the prim debutante belt is meant to keep this mess together, Cate knows what she’s wearing is sad – look at her face!

Bea: I love her but she’s a train wreck here. Her dress looks like a tablecloth that got snagged by a doorjamb while she was fleeing from Alexander McQueen. The celebrated designer looks like he’s got one idea too many: the lace overlay, the diamante belt, the excessive train. Pick one idea and run with it, honey. This dress has got "grandmother on acid" written all over it.