MANILA, Philippines - I was watching the coronation night of Binibining Pilipinas — as all beckys do — when I got an assignment that was even more shocking than Donald Trump’s decision to let a transgender woman join Miss Universe. I, Elmer Badilla, was asked to cover the annual military exercises of the Philippines and the United States, or in other words, the Balikatan. My first reaction was “Pak!”
I wanted to ask, “Why me? Di ba halata sa kembot kong bakla ako? Tapos pasasabakin mo ako sa gear?” But of course, a budding journalist cannot afford to be choosy. So I just said to myself “OK lang, isipin mo na lang ang mga boys. Sa dami ng pagpipilian, mag-iinarte ka pa ba?”
And I was right. Balikatan was full of boys. Boys in all shapes, sizes, ages and colors. In short, buffet!
On my first day, I spotted a cute US marine named Leo. We were at a remote barangay in Puerto Princesa. Kids were waiting for him to come out from the portalet, so he could continue teaching them how to “move like Jagger.” I was surprised at his charm. He didn’t carry a gun. The only deadly weapon he had was his killer smile. I almost fell in love with him right then and there. He’s a perfect package: jowa na, bodyguard pa! For sure, he’ll make a perfect father to our children.
But it gets better.
Later, I watched the soldiers construct a building, and I quickly realized that the charm of the US forces was no match to the angas of our Pinoy soldiers. Sipat-sipat lang, shoot na sa banga ang building! The Pinoys used a water hose as a leveling tool, at nag-suicide ang mga Kano. Ang galing daw natin.
Bida pa rin ang Pinoy during the actual warfare training. I was invited to join a “simulated night port raid exercise”, which the military decided to hold in broad daylight. A night raid in broad daylight? Game! May view pa rin ako.
But, plangak! There were blasts and explosions — gun shots from all directions. Fake rockets were launched and smoke signals were everywhere. I almost died of asthma. But I never expected it to be that fun. We in the media also ran, rolled and dodged hurdles, as if we were part of the war games. For a while, I felt like an action star — like Angelina Jolie as Tomb Raider or Rustom Padilla in his movie Mista.
Of course, wiz magpapalulu ang mga sundalong Pinoy. Kering-keri makipagsabayan, even to their US counterparts. Basta wag lang sa Inglesan.
There was an American commander barking orders, and all of a sudden, one of our soldiers asked, “Ano daw?” If this happened in real life, I bet teggyboom na si kuya. Pero for this exercise, award! Best in humor.
I guess this answers the complaint of many reporters, who rarely get shots of Filipinos and Americans working together. It’s the language barrier, teh.
But despite this, I guess this year’s Balikatan has served its purpose. Both countries were able to exchange learning experiences about warfare, construction, and life in general.
I, on the other hand, am happy to report that I survived the whole coverage. Despite the machismo of the military officials, I got to be friends with many of them. Maybe because I’m Ms. Congeniality.
But more than the action, the experience and the frolicking, what made me proud is that despite our country’s deficiencies in terms of technology and equipment, our military is still in high morale and is more than willing to fight for our people. They risk their own lives to ensure world peace, and they don’t feel any pressure right now.
The US recently repealed a law called “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” which prevented openly gay people from serving in the military. Good for them. After all, it’s not sexuality that defines a soldier, but bravery.
Unfortunately, I didn’t find anyone to take home with me. Totoo ngang aanhin mo pa ang guwapo, kung hindi naman sayo. Ansaveh?