I’m a 46-year-old beautician, still attractive, who is now in love with a 70-year-old widower. He swept me off my feet with his gentle ways. But I have these two problems: his seven children (aged 32 to 45 years old) and my marriage to a man who cannot be faithful. My husband and I have been married for 18 years now, but he has another family with whom he has lived for 16 years. We have no children, but my husband has four children by this other woman. The widower’s children all live in the States, but when they found out he was courting someone, they sent him round-trip tickets so he could visit them.
The widower owns several pieces of land in the province as well as a small one in a subdivision, next to the subdivision where I am renting a room. My home service customers all live in this subdivision. We met while attending Mass in a nearby church, and we’ve been seeing each other for nine months now. He asked me once what my dream in life was, and I told him it was to own a beauty parlor/boutique which I could manage. At once, he said he could put up one for me in his house and he could help me manage it. But his house is partly owned by his children so I would rather that we have a bigger and newer house.
He left before the New Year with his eldest daughter, but he promised to be back after three months to marry me. He also promised to send me money so I could file for annulment and we could get married in the Catholic church.
I am so lonely now that he’s gone. I don’t know if he’d really come back. What will I do, Tita Chits?
– Cheryl
Dear Cheryl,
You’re a very lucky girl to be given a second chance at marriage. I feel every woman should be given a chance at a happy marriage, if the first one was traumatic. First of all, thank God for your blessings. Also thank Him that all your boyfriend’s children are in the States and have no plans of living here. I’ve heard of a poor stepmother who was locked out and had all her belongings thrown out into the street by her stepchildren. Her husband did not lift a finger to help her. Heaven forbid that this happens to you!
I feel you should appreciate your boyfriend’s wish to make your dream come true, but do not be too ambitious about getting a new house.
As long as he is determined to live here and not in the States, you will have less problems. Perhaps he can pay off his children’s share in that house by giving them all his properties in the province. Then, that house can be your conjugal home, giving you assurance for your future shelter. But try your best to befriend his children. Give them time. You cannot be a mother to them, but you can always be a trusted friend.
About your annulment, try to get a trusted lawyer who will charge you a minimal fee. The process can take from six to 12 months. After that, you and your boyfriend can start your married life blessed by God.
But first, be very sure that you love him and not his promise of a comfortable and leisurely life. You’ll have to take care of him later on when his health begins to weaken. With genuine love, that won’t be a problem.
– Tita Chits