Peter perks

Senator Alan Peter Cayetano (APC) has defied ill-wishers, staying on longer than the shortest serving Senate president ever (that dude lasted 13 days). Yet, the calls for his resignation grow ever louder, with the academe, past judicial luminaries, and civic leaders stridently against his occupation of the Senate presidency.

Aside from the negligible fact that the Senate president is just two heartbeats away from the presidency of the republic (and come on, those two hearts don’t seem like they want to stop beating), why does APC even want to occupy the post? There’s practically no prestige or power residing in that position, anyhoo.

Is it because the Senate president can boss around a has-been actor, who might have been charming in his youth? But that guy is fundamentally stupid, and so there is no benefit to having him around your vicinity. His presence lowers the intelligence quotient average in the room. And there are plenty of other actors with much more pull in Pinoy fandom, so why waste time with your arm around his scrawny shoulders?

Is it because the Senate President can boss around tweedledum and tweedledee, two siblings without the capacity to articulate their well-considered positions? My mistake, I assumed they considered well. They seem to be quite the lambs caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, just meekly waiting to be run over.

Well, they are reputed to have billions - but you may want to rethink that. Considering the fictitious empire they built that duped even Forbes, the house of cards now beginning to fall might just indeed leave them frozen helpless, waiting for the inevitable car crash. That is, until their presidential bet wins the next election, in which case they can breathe easy and start their hocus-pocusery again. Meanwhile, you want them around because…they are tractable?

Is it so that the president can boss around a has-been broadcaster who built a name around purity and do-gooding? Well, much good that will do you now, when she has irreversibly stained her name by first, using her influence to procure mega-perks for her kid, and now, shielding him from accountability. Plus, she won’t stay around for long, having been tricked into switching sides in the false belief she was going to end up as the Senate president. Now, to her horror, not only is she not the prez, she has also been fingered as a recipient of stolen funds by the very witnesses she sought to protect. Nope, she’s going to bolt soon.

Is it so that as president, you can boss around a former police general? Well, it is useful to have cops in our speed dial. Might come in handy if ever one gets in trouble with the law. Especially if the cop has a rep for eliminating random citizens --no, we don’t want to get on his wrong side. But this particular general has gone into hiding, scuffling in quiet hidey-holes and praying for his international arrest warrant to somehow disappear. He’s someone you can only rely on once --and that instance has come and gone.

Is it so you can boss around a bumbling lawyer who is wont to quoting legal maxims he obviously didn’t study well enough in Law school? One who did not learn the essential skill of preparing for class by making sure to bone up on the lessons? It’s become evident that three years into his stint as a senator, he still hasn’t read the rules, so how can he help you strategize? One can only win a war if you come in prepared, and this guy doesn’t prepare --he only pontificates. Hurts your brand, to be sure.

Is it the chance to go toe-to-toe, (almost chest to chest!) with a hunky secretary of the Interior? Hmm, that might be a tempting possibility, especially considering his puffed-out pigeon-chest. Quite a good temptation, come to think of it.

I’m running out of reasons why one would want to remain Senate president. Help.