Love in the time of HIV

In 2010, 29-year-old Liza was hospitalized because of flu and loss of appetite. She had also developed skin abrasions and her tongue had a whitish color — signs that made her doctor recommend that she and her husband Topher undergo an HIV test. To their shock, the couple tested positive for HIV. A year after, Liza succumbed to pneumonia.

Topher granted us an interview in their humble home in Kawit, Cavite that he shares with his mother and only son, Topher.

He has lost so much weight compared to his graduation photo hanging on the wall. He looks weak, now also with skin abrasions due to infection. His slightest movements were taking so much effort. His voice, soft and meek.

I asked, “What did you do when you both tested positive?”

“We accepted it because we cannot do anything anyway,” he replied in Filipino. “I just promised to take care of my wife until the end.”

Topher and Liza did not even try to figure out who infected whom. The doctor advised them not to anymore. “I also didn’t want to ask my wife. That’s how much I love her. I just wanted to take care of her.” His love was unconditional.

Though he admitted that he could have contacted HIV in his young promiscuous years, he does not know that for a fact. “Maybe, but I’m not sure.”

Topher looks resigned to his fate. Instead of looking for answers, he simply wants to savor every remaining moment of his life with his four-year-old son, Ralph.

Lately, Topher has difficulty keeping up with Ralph who is a bit of a rascal. The lively little boy wants to play basketball with his father. “I can’t play with him because I easily get sick.” 

He hardly goes out of the house. I thought it was because of the rumormongers, but apparently, it is because after two hours outside the house, he comes home with a flu. Discrimination is the last thing on his mind. He told me, “If you think about what other people will think, you’ll lose your mind.”

But Topher does hope for more understanding. Whether we admit it or not, society is still wary to be in contact with anyone with HIV. But it really is the other way around. Because they, HIV patients, are immunocompromised — they easily get sick.

Antiretroviral drug is available for free, but because Topher can’t work, he can’t even afford the laboratory tests needed before he can take the drug. That’s why we at Lingkod Kapamilya are also appealing for help. 

Topher knows that his days are numbered, and his hopes are only for Ralph. Thankfully, the little boy tested negative, but further tests will be needed in the future to know for certain.

A note to our readers: HIV is often mixed up with AIDS. Here are some facts about HIV and AIDS to give us better understanding.

From the Mayo Clinic: AIDS is a chronic, potentially life-threatening condition caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). By damaging your immune system, HIV interferes with your body’s ability to fight the organisms that cause diseases.

HIV is a sexually transmitted infection. It can also be spread by contact with infected blood, or from mother to child during pregnancy, childbirth or breast-feeding. It can take years before HIV weakens your immune system to the point that you have AIDS.

There’s no cure for HIV/AIDS, but there are medications that can dramatically slow the progression of the disease. These drugs have reduced AIDS deaths in many developed nations.

HIV is more predominant in homosexual relationships, but as in the case of Topher and Liza, anyone is at risk to contact HIV. HIV can be transmitted through the blood, semen, vaginal secretions and breast milk.

Department of Health figures show a nine-percent increase of HIV cases from 2011 to 2012.

In 2012, a total of 897 youths, aged 15 to 24, were recorded as HIV Positive. (Source: DOH, National Epidemiology Center)

Topher is only 30 years old. But the good news is, people with HIV have a chance to enjoy a long life (look at former NBA player Magic Johnson!), provided that they take antiretroviral drugs.

(For the privacy of Topher’s family, their names have been changed. Do e-mail me your thoughts at [email protected].)