Keep the ‘child’ in you

MANILA, Philippines - Ruth Handler, creator of Barbie Doll, noticed that young girls desired one type of doll: The grown-up woman. She was fascinated on how these girls mirrored themselves through the dolls by their imagined adult conversations and creative ways of dressing them up.

Most of us, as young girls, had the excitement of using our mother’s cosmetics, wearing their high heels and fitting their bras. We mimicked them so we also mothered our dolls the way we were babied. After a few years, we no longer wanted to baby our dolls but we desired to look like them,  especially like Barbie. Why? So that we would be treated like one. By whom? Not by our mothers this time, but by the boys we are attracted to. Next thing we knew… a baby is born!

It is a cycle of the three persons in us: The child, the adult and the parent. Years ago on a retreat, I learned from a priest that we should not lose the child, the adult and the parent in us because it is essential to our being and for having a healthy relationship. There is a proper time to act like a “parent” to the “child” of your partner. This comes in when one wants to take care of the other mostly during intimacy or sickness. Both can be the “child” in times of play but they have to be the “adult” in times of decision making and facing important matters in life. Needless to say, in your own family, you become the “parent” to your children and your children enjoy the “child” in you. The priest emphasized that it is important not to lose the “child” in you for it means holding on to innocence, fun, creativity and pureness of the spirit. I kept that lesson in my heart.

In 2003, TV director F.M. “Erick” Reyes and I got married. After a year, as we were buying a gift for a niece, we found these adorable dolls that we fancied to be our first-born. Erick bought two dolls so the twins were named Mimay and Popoy. You can now imagine how creative a director and an actress can be in their bahay-bahayan, plus the fact that the “child” in us was being stimulated, uncontrollably. I tell you, the sum total for these two artists is wacky! We are a picture of a ludicrous couple. We can afford to laugh out loud in the middle of the night.

In 2005, I had a miscarriage. My grandmother persuaded me to throw away the dolls for she believed that they caused my being childless. On the contrary, a doctor advised me to keep them to act as a stimulant to my desire to get pregnant again. The dolls proved to be therapeutic in my emotional recovery from the loss. Well-meaning friends gave me more dolls including St. Niños. Eventually, I got pregnant again but we lost our son after three weeks of being born.

While wading through this darkest moment of ours, some people even took delight in throwing malicious gossip on us. “Director F.M. Reyes brings the dolls to his set and scolds whoever is noisy because the dolls are sleeping.” “Rita Avila has become crazy after losing her son that she treats her dolls like real babies.” And their wild imaginations went on and on.

Some of my classmates in elementary and high school were not surprised at all with this news because they remember me bringing dolls to school. In one of our trips to Canada, people were openly attracted to the dolls and were generous with their praises. Doll lovers were unfazed because they are aware of the advantages to our psyche. Other adults approached me to share their stories about their dolls. Strangers on Twitter had so much fun and pleasure interacting with Mimay and Popoy.

Only those who didn’t understand judged us to be fools. They couldn’t probably perceive the uses and benefits of dolls in an adult’s life. Or worse, they have lost the “child” in them.

Dolls can be used to educate, to entertain and to carry a cultural heritage. Dolls can be your friend, your healer or your guide in discovering your authentic self.

Please keep the “child” in you. Walt Disney is right when he said “That’s the trouble with the world, too many people grow up.”