Plangak! Di mo ma-gets?

Plangak!

If you don’t know what it means, then you are not in on showbiz; you are not up-to-date on the ever-growing colorful showbiz lingo.

Not to worry.

Check out Showbiz Lengua (Chika & Chismax about Chuvachuchu), Jose F. “Pete” Lacaba’s (photo) compilation of his columns in YES! magazine, published by Anvil and available at National Bookstores. It’s very informative, very educational, very instructive, very interesting and very entertaining. It will enrich your, as Pete puts it, “swardspeak lexicon.”

I didn’t buy a copy. Pete gave me one as a Christmas gift in December last year and I’ve been laughing since then as I read and reread it.

His dedication reads:

Dear Ricky,

Maligayang Pasko!

Masaganang Bagong Taon!

Hapi-hapi bertdey!

Hapi Valentine na rin!

Plangak!

Pete

2011

So what does plangak mean?

This, according to Pete (who retrieved the following “definition and usage” from the Internet):

“PLANGAK (adv.): exactly, precisely; syn: palangana, palangganang butas, truly, trulili, as in ‘Plangak! Mahirap umakyat ng bakod na may bubog kapag kinakati ka na, day!’”

“Plangak: mismo/correct. Usage: A: Ibig mo bang sabihin, nag-jug na kayo a long time ago, wiz mo lang sinasabi sakin? B: Plangak!”

“Plangak! Korak! Flangganah! Kaplang! —— correct! Exactly!”

“Plangak, tumpak, precisely.”

“Plangak!!! Totoo ka talaga diyan kafatid!”

“Plangak ka jan fafa!!”

“Aaaayyy! Hahahahah!!! Gagah ka sister! Ang landeeeeeeeee!!!! Ahihihi!!! Plangak ka dyan aching!!!”

Besides plangak and a wealth of showbiz vocabulary, what I find hilariously entertaining about Pete’s book are the chapters on acronyms.

Here are samples:

•  ITALY: I Trust And Love You.

• BURMA: Between Us, Remember Me Always.

• CANADA: Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction,

• CHINA: Come Here I Need Affection.

• EGYPT: Everything’s Great, You Pretty Thing!

• FRANCE: Friendships Remain And Never Can End.

• HOLLAND: Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.

•  INDIA: I Nearly Died In Adoration.

• IRAN: Ikaw Rin Ang Nawalan.

•  JAPAN: Just Always Pray At Night.

•  KENYA: Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

• KOREA: Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.

• LIBYA: Love Is Beautiful, You Also.

•  NEPAL: Never Ever Part As Lovers.

•  PERU: Porget Everyone Remember Us.

•  RUSSIA: Romance Under the Sky & Stars is Intimate Always.

•  THAILAND: Totally Happy Always In Love And Never Dull.

•  YEMEN: Yugyugan Every Morning, Every Night.

• BALIWAG: Beauty And Love I Will Always Give.

• CEBU: Change Everything But Us.

•  IMUS: I Miss U, Sweetheart.

•  MALABON: May A Lasting Affair Be Ours Now.

•  MANILA: May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

•  PARANAQUE: Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstasy.

•  PASAY: Pretty And Sexy Are You.

•  PASIG: Please Always Say I’m Gorgeous.

•  TONDO: Tonight’s Our Night, Dearest One.

•  MARLBORO: Men Always Remember Love Because Of Romance Only.

•  YAMAHA: You Are Always My Angel! Happy Anniversary!

• PHILIPPINES: Pumping Hot…I Love it!...Please Please…I Need Erotic Stimulation!

And here’s the acronym that tops all acronyms put together. Take a deep breath before reading it and I dare you to memorize it even after reviewing it 10 times. Here we go:

• SAN MIGUEL: Sa Aming Nayon, May Isang Grupong Uminom. E, Lasing.

PALE PILSEN: Pati Ako, Lasing. E, P***ng Ina, Lasing Sila. Eto’ng Nangyari…

EXPERTLY BREWED: Erbi, Ekis, Pinaghalo. E, Rindi! Talagang Laklakan Yan Bawat Round. E, Wala. E, Di…(Note for those not old enough to remember: erbi is reverse slang for beer; ekis or X is shorthand for Madrax, a cheap potion that’s most likely prescribed by the Dangerous Drugs Board.)

AND BOTTLED BY: At noon Din, Bawat Order, Tuloy-Tuloy. Lasing, E. Dumampot. Buti Yelo.

SAN MIGUEL BREWERY: Sapagkat Ang Nangyari, May Isang Gagong Umentra. E, Lasing. Banatan, Rumble. E, Wasak. E, Rumesbak. Yari.

PHILIPPINES: Pati Hostess, Inupakan. Lasing, Inupakan. Pati Pulis, Inupakan. Nahuli, Engot Siya.

NET CONTENTS: Ngunit Etong Tarantadong Constable, Okey. Nag-Trip. E, Naging Trip Sauna.

320 ML: 320, Masahe Lang.

(Note from your Funfarer: After reading Showbiz Lengua, don’t forget to scream, “Plangak!!!!”)

(E-mail reactions at [email protected] or at [email protected]. You may also send your questions to [email protected]. For more updates, photos and videos visit http://www.philstar.com/funfare.)