How Cesar is coping with the tragedy

Two weeks after his son Angelo Manghilot (one of his two children with his late first wife, the other being Angela), Liberal Party’s Bohol gubernatorial candidate Cesar Montano (Manghilot in real life) admitted in a phone chat yesterday that the whole thing hasn’t sunk in yet, busy with the campaign as he and wife Sunshine Cruz are.

“But during quiet moments, especially when I’m alone,” said Cesar, “everything comes back to me. I would go to one corner and cry.”

Angelo, 23, was said to have fought with his girlfriend the night before, as Cesar put it in his media announcement, “took his own life” inthe early morning hours of Friday, March 26, which, ironically, marked the official start of the local campaign for the May 10 elections. Cesar promptly took the early-morning flight from Tagbilaran City and, with quiet dignity and sans public tears, had Angelo’s remains cremated, addressing the TV cameras crowding around him, with a pained smile, holding the urn that contained his son’s ashes, “Ito si Angelo!”

Somebody close to the family said that Angelo had “suicidal tendencies” and he would threaten to do it everytime he quarreled with his girlfriend. That fateful night, Angelo had another fight with his girlfriend at her own birthday party and he went home (to his father’s home in Tivoli, an A-list subdivision in Quezon City) smelling of liquor. When he was found at around 4 o’clock Friday morning, the phone was off the hook, dangling from a kitchen table, and on his celfone was a message presumably from his girlfriend, “Kung ano man ang ginawa mo, pinatatawad na kita.” Did the message come after Angelo pulled the trigger on his temple?

“The family never took his ‘threats’ seriously,” said the family friend. “So they were shocked when he really did it.”

Cesar said that he signed a “pact” with Angelo, stating that if he didn’t stop drinking, Cesar would make him quit as manager of Bellisimo, the family-owned Italian restaurant on Scout Castor (near the corner Tomas Morato Avenue, Quezon City).

There were premonitions, according to Cesar who had a solo exhibit of his paintings earlier this year at the Ayala Museum.

“I included what I called ‘Flower Paintings,’ each of which was named after our children,” said Cesar, referring to Angela, Diego (his love son with Teresa Loyzaga), and his and Sunshine’s three daughters (Samantha, Angelina and Francesca). “All my children, except Angelo. I don’t know how or why I overlooked or missed him.”

While doing sketches, Cesar drew a single black candle on a piece of paper. It sent shivers down the spine of Sunshine who told Cesar to erase it. “Hindi maganda,” she said.

Three months before Angelo “took his own life,” Cesar recalled that Angelo woke up from a bad dream.

“He told me that in his dream, he attended a wake. When he looked at the coffin, he saw himself inside it. I told Angelo, ‘Kabaliktaran ang nangyayari sa tunay na buhay.’ It means that you will live long.”

Perhaps Dr. Randy Dellosa, an expert in the treatment of grief, depression and suicidal tendencies, can help Cesar come to terms with the tragedy.

According to Dellosa, who is known as a Celebrity Shrink in his capacity as consultant of reality-TV shows, Cesar can turn this difficult situation into something positive for himself and for others.

“The tragedy can help Cesar empathize more with others, especially those who are undergoing the same crisis,” explains Dellosa. “This move to reach out will help Cesar in turn. It will help him come to terms with his grief and experience healing himself.”

Dellosa suggested that Cesar can also form an advocacy group consisting of parents who have lost their children the way Gina de Venecia did when she lost her daughter in a fire six years ago. The group can even be based in his hometown (Baclayon) in Bohol.

“The campaign will distract Cesar from the normal grieving process.   But this doesn’t mean that he will be spared from the pain grief brings. His son’s death came all too suddenly and Cesar did not anticipate it. He might delay the grieving process but he has to deal with it sooner or later.”

Meanwhile, Cesar has placed the urn in a special spot at his home.

“I want Angelo to stay close to us,” said Cesar. “My regret is that I wasn’t even able to say goodbye to him.”

(Note: Dr. Randy Dellosa can be reached at 415-6529 or 415-7964. You may also check out www. randydellosa.com.)

Bongbong To The Rescue

Ilocos Norte Rep. Bongbong Marcos (who’s running for senator under the Nacionalista Party banner) saved a young man last week from his ordeal by offering his medical kit for asthma while on board a Cebu Pacific flight from Manila to Zamboanga.

Bongbong was on his way to Tawi-Tawi to address the 35th commencement of the Tawi-Tawi College of Technology and Oceanography of the Mindanao State University. He had already forgotten about the incident before his speech at the commencement exercises.

But according to a Funfare DPA, Dr. Eddie Alih, the Chancellor of MSU Tawi-Tawi, made sure he would remember it.

“Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you Congressman Bongbong Marcos,” he said. Everybody applauded.

“The man who saved my son,” he continued and then quickly narrated what transpired in the airplane. “If not for this man, I would probably be in grief right now.”

More applause and a standing ovation followed.

Bongbong was caught off-guard.

“I have no idea it was your son,” he told Dr. Alih. “I hope he’s fine now.”

Abdul Aziz Alih, 28, is a law student of San Beda College in Manila and he suffers from asthma. He forgot to bring his nebulizer on the flight to Zamboanga.

A severe attack of his illness caused panic among the passengers and flight attendants. Fortunately, Bongbong was there to the rescue.

He offered his own medicine and kit to calm the young Alih and help him breathe normally.

“I’m asthmatic myself so I know what he was going through,” Bongbong said.

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