'David's Goliath'

It was almost six in the evening in Roma, Italia; the 19th of September, a Saturday. I was in the area of the Escalinata de Piazza Spagna or popularly known as the Spanish Steps. I was with my wife Eileen making small and slow steps because we were having a very difficult time getting through hundreds, or maybe thousands of people, along the famous Via Condotti. The shops on both sides of the via carrying those very popular fashion brands seemed to be smiling from door to door and singing (to the tune of New York, New York).

Oh that is good news,

You’re all here today,

We want to get all what you’ve got —

Euros, Euros ...

(Jump tune to refrain)

I want to swipe dry

All your credit cards ‘til they rip,

Then toss a coin at the Trevi so

You’ll make balik!

And believe me Corleone, all these shops were filled with customers — and uh-uh, not just those usiseretti and snatcheretti or display shoppers only — I had a long time observing them and a lot of them were carrying new shopping bags when they leave the stores. Unbelievable! Bili-vable?

Via Veneto, I believe the original fashion place in Rome, is longer and wider but I’m surprised why all these shopping maniacs are converging and crowding themselves in a smaller space like sardines. Crowd mentality? Ngek!

Then suddenly, it came to me that in a few minutes, it would be Eileen’s birthday in Philippine time (Manila is ahead of Rome by six hours). So we decided to celebrate her Pinoy time birthday by having an early dinner in one of the ristorantes around Fontana di Trevi — Agrodolce. What a sweet name for a place. And to be more romantic (after being sweetic?), we chose to sit outside. But no wine — hindi kami ganon ka-romantic at ka-alcoholic. The single and short candle was still unlit because the sun was still... in heat? (Mahirap talaga ang usapang romantic... kung minsan ay nagkakalintik-lintik.)

Directly across the street, the Via dei Crociferi, is a souvenir shop. And while we were waiting for our orders, two Italian musicians — a man with an accordion and a woman with a small and almost inaudible tambourine, performed some familiar Italian tunes. They played and placed themselves on the sidewalk across us and they were nearly blocking the entrance of the souvenir shop, obviously bothering some of the customers. And to make the scene more chaotic, taxis and carriages pulled by horses continued passing by. Masayang magulo talaga. At naghahalo ang amoy ng pasta pomodoro at ng kabayo!

Then came two Caucasian gay men, even grooving to the music of the two musicians. Then one of them tried for size one of the more popular items for men in almost all the souvenir stores I saw around Roma — a pair of tight-fitting shorts featuring in front a picture print of the penis of David’s statue by Michelangelo — by stretching the garter from hip to hip. It took some time for the two gay men to decide whether to get the said item or not. Then, they suddenly left returning the item to the salesman and Eileen swore that she heard one of them say, “Sorry, it’s too small for me!”

***

After nearly a two-hour flight from the quite old and not so impressive Aeroport International de Geneve, our 15-man Mel & Joey group landed in the new, huge, modern and beautiful Aeropuerto de Barcelona — Yes, from Roger Federer to Rafael Nadal (but now, after the last US Tennis Open, Aeroport and Aeropuerto are no match to Aero-POTRO!).

Immediately, we checked on the conveyor board schedule where to locate our luggage, but it took us quite a while to figure things out. We couldn’t find our point of origin. Then I noticed a funny, familiar word — Ginebra — and across it was our flight code and number. Si señor, Geneve or Geneva is Ginebra in Spain. Ngek!

Nahilo at nalasing kami sa kakahanap. 

***

Now, going back to my “shorts” story about Michelangelo’s “David” with the most famous uncircumcised penis in history — I’m sure some of you are asking if I purchased one for myself ‘no? Bakit ako mahihiya? Of course, I bought not one, but five! Different colors pa. Well, it reminds me of my youth and yesterday... and likewise, today.

Pero mas malala ‘yung isang bading sa group naming (hulaan n’yo na lang) — binili niya pati ‘yung mga ganon ni David na refrigerator magnets. Ididikit daw niya sa lahat ng bakal sa buong bahay n’ya!

***

Of course, we all know the story of David and Goliath, David slew the giant Goliath, first by hitting him with a rock on a sling. But what really ignited their war? According to another version of ancient history, it all started when Goliath saw David taking a dip in a river. The big guy laughed on something he saw and shouted, “SUPOT!”

***

And that’s the origin of tukso or teasing by name-calling. And to continue the story, David wanted to get back at Goliath thinking something similar the giant did to him. But he couldn’t call Goliath the same because that tower of power was circumcised. Circumcision, in the olden times, was performed by the person to himself and I think Abraham started it when he had a covenant with his God — kaya matatapang ang mga tao noon.

Inasmuch as David couldn’t use supot as tukso for Goliath, he just wanted something to sound the same just to be even. So, he picked up the big sword of the still groggy Goliath and... ngek! I mean, ngek to neck — he cut off Goliath’s head! Then he stood on the giant’s lifeless torso and yelled, “PUGOT!”

***

And that’s the story of “Supot and Pugot” — and it contributed something very important for the history of men, especially in the battlefield of entertainment. Down through generations, because of David and Goliath or Supot and Pugot, many like them were born — Pugak and Tugak, Pugo and Tugo, Penggot and Pepot, Casmot and Balot, Bentong and Papi, and Metring David and Golay — yes, short for Goliath. There were even two Golays, and one became Dolphy.

But what David and Goliath started has already faded away. Thanks and great praise to the new centurions of comedy who changed the tukso tradition of funny-sounding names, but remaining to be loyal in the name of Jocus, the God of Laughter. They are the enemies of the Moron Empire; the real Glad-iators — They are TITUS, VICIOUS and CLEOPATRA.