Looks, not everything?

I have this story about a provincial lass who felt so insecure because of her looks, that everytime she went to church, she would always stay in the corner near the confessional at the back. She was tall, thin, "pango ang ilong" and had thick, dark lips. But she had silky, smooth skin. She was also tomboyish. During family gatherings, relatives would fuss and pick on her. "Oy bakit ganyan ang ilong mo? Saan ka nagmana? Unknown to her parents, the girl’s confidence was slipping away. Then she came to Manila to study college. She became popular in school. She was a standout because she looked different. She grew her hair long, she put on some weight, and the added pounds emphasized her hidden curves. She added pout to her full lips. She wore mini-skirts that showed her beautiful legs. Men were attracted to her. Yet, she could not believe she was attracting the opposite sex. Eventually she married a college classmate.

Looking back, the provincial lass realized that the little, innocent remarks made by her relatives about her looks eroded her confidence and damaged her psychologically. She also realized her own uniqueness – that there are no two people alike. She learned to celebrate about who she is and what she has. Today, she is a picture of contentment – happy and fulfilled.

There are thousands of women around the world who in their childhood have been told that they were not conventionally beautiful by their parents, sisters, relatives and friends. And they carried this cruel slur all their lives, suffered quietly in a world that defines what’s beautiful and what’s ugly. Others fight this notion and become over achievers in the process, inventing an attitude and presence that make them "beautiful women."

A few weeks back, I hosted an event called Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty. We presented beauty icons who shared their stories of beauty triumphs with the intention of inspiring young girls and women that they too can overcome their childhood beauty insecurities. Reema Chanco, athlete and host was not the typical soft-spoken girl who tinkered with makeup and wore dresses. In grade school, she was into soccer, basketball, and gymnastics. Kids would call her negra, negrita, tomboy or T-bird. "At 10 years old, other kids made me feel as if my dark complexion was un-hygienic, that I was dirty." She was also teased because of her boyish personality. When she had her first boyfriend, the "tomboy" name calling stopped. "I have proven that a girl can be active in sports and still be feminine. About being negra, there’s nothing I can do about it. In the end, I still get to decide what is beautiful about me."

In Hong Kong where Mia Sebastian (assistant brand manger, Uniliver) grew up, nobody paid attention to the color of her skin. But when she came back to the Philippines in 2000, relatives would call her negra, Black Samba or Black Beauty. She would be unfazed with her relatives calling her names, but when other people started to judge her because of her skin color, Mia wondered, if something was wrong with her. "You’d be more beautiful if you were whiter. Or, you’re beautiful but you are dark!" These comments really annoyed me," she says. Mia however, never felt pressured into having a whiter skin. And she is proud to wear her naturally tanned skin.

"If you see yourself as beautiful then you are," says Liza Ilarde, editor-in-chief. Liza was also a victim of the "ugly brown-skin syndrome." She was the typical tan and thin Filipina child. She was the "native" as opposed to her mestiza cousins. And while her mestiza cousins were hugged and pinched on the cheeks, she was left out feeling like a ghost. When she went to the States, she was envied because of her perpetual tan. She realized that beauty is a matter of perception. Liza believes that the most important step to being beautiful is having a positive self-image. "What you think about yourself is far more relevant than what other people will say about you," she adds.

Raya Mananquil, daughter of Lifestyle editor Millet Mananquil has an interesting story to tell. Raya is thin and nymph like. She is also flat chested. "If buying a bra was difficult enough, the thought of even trying on a bikini was an absolute nightmare," she says. And while her friends were having their yearly trip to the beach, she refused to set foot on the sand because she would look pathetic beside "those Baywatch-worthy ladies." Then, Raya bought a floral two-piece upon a friend’s urging. For the first time in her life, she felt liberated. "I started to accept and embrace my body and even my breasts. A flat (chested) girl can be beautiful just as long as she takes care of herself. I used to feel less of a woman because I lacked the essential physical identifying feature of a female. But feminity is not merely a physical aspect but lies deep in our being. I have made peace with my body and with myself."

Nicole Fonacier has been nicknamed "taba" since she was in Grade 2. "It seems big women are required to be funny and jolly to compensate for their imperfections." But when she joined the MTV VJ hunt and won the coveted contest, people were shocked. "I broke the tall, thin, beautiful stereotype and became the first ever "Plus-sized MTV VJ."

"I may be big but I take care of myself and that makes me beautiful," she says.

Pam Pastor, writer and singer says, "Being thin is not a priority." Pam was born "huge" at 8.11 pounds. Comments like "Oy tumaba ka, or Ang taba mo," did nothing to damage her confidence and self-esteem. "I’ve never broken down and cried because someone called me fat," she says." Besides, there’s no way for her to diet because her family loves to eat. There are times however, when she seriously thinks about losing pounds. But Pam says that her weight will never be the center of her life. "My worth as a person does not depend on the number of pounds I weigh," she adds.

Bravo girls! Women can share their stories as well as interact with others through Dove’s website www.campaignforreal-beauty.com.ph