Hello, Kris! Goodbye, Joey!

First, another text joke (courtesy of a "just free again" showbiz personality):

What do Kris Aquino and Joey Marquez tell each other as soon as the lights go out?

Kris: Game ka na ba, Joey?

Joey: Kool ka lang, Kris!

And now, back to our teleserye/telenovela…

Kris is arriving tomorrow (PR 103, direct from L.A.) after a week-long shopping spree – oops! "soul-searching" pala – in the US. (Now, Dear Kris, were you able to buy the "size 42" shoes for you-know-who?)

But so sorry, Joey won’t be there to welcome her back. No, not that Joey has left for the US because he has decided to postpone his trip ("for medical reasons") to later this week after Kris has come back so as not to arouse any suspicion that they’re having a rendezvous out there. Discretion dictates that Joey refrain from being seen with Kris in public, most especially where the media is visible, to divert attention (if that’s at all possible) from their never-ending, never-will-end romance (okay, okay, it’s not just an "affair").

The "good" news (especially for Tita Cory and other concerned relatives and true/real friends): Kris said on a phone patch with The Buzz co-host Boy Abunda and guest host Ruffa Gutierrez last Sunday that – heave a sigh of relief – she is not (yet?) pregnant, contrary to speculations, adding that, in fact, "I’m at a store buying Kleenex because it’s my ‘first day’."

Asked if, when she comes back, she shall have made up her mind (that she’ll break up with Joey), Kris said no, no way! Meaning, tuloy ang ligaya!

But for sure, far from the prying eyes – and "lenses" – of the media, the lovebirds will have a "hello/goodbye" dinner, presumably at the condo unit in The Fort (Taguig) which is owned not by Joey as Funfare wrongly reported last Saturday, but by Joey’s Sydney-based half-sister Via Marquez-Hoffman.

You see, the lovebirds had a mild "LQ" (as in Lovers’ Quarrel) two Mondays ago when Kris left for L.A. During the two-hour PR 102 departure delay, Joey fetched Kris at the airport and whisked her off not to the nearby Nayong Pilipino as earlier reported (by Funfare and other columns) but to the Manila Pen where they killed time at the lobby. When Joey’s cellphone buzzed, Kris retrieved the message, coming from a woman, saying, "Where are you? I’ve been waiting for you for an hour!"

In a huff, Kris picked up her hand-carry bag and walked – actually walked! – up to the corner of Ayala Avenue where Joey caught up with her. So, the lovebirds have some making-up to do. After having been apart for more than a week, they should be even sweeter than before, you bet?

Meanwhile, Zsa Zsa Padilla said that she never threw a "dirty" nor a "dagger" look at Alma Moreno during that ugly hospital encounter between Alma and Kris. In fact, Zsa Zsa was quiet all the while, her head bowed, herself shocked by what was happening just like other eyewitnesses. Zsa Zsa went to the hospital not to Kris’ "rescue" but to give Joey moral support before his coronary angiogram, the same procedure Zsa Zsa’s beloved Dolphy underwent (under the same doctor) prior to Dolphy’s angioplasty a few years ago.

"It was unfortunate that that encounter happened when Zsa Zsa was around," said a Zsa Zsa defender.

Ruffa back for good?

Without any notice, Ruffa Gutierrez breezed back into town last Friday evening and she promptly appeared the next day on Startalk to appeal to the media not to drag her name into the Dennis da Silva affair, saying what happened between her and Dennis when they were barely out of their teens was purely "puppy love."

Last Sunday, Ruffa pinchhit for Kris as Boy Abunda’s co-host on The Buzz. Like Carmina Villarroel who took over from Kris as co-host of Pops Fernandez and Zsa Zsa Padilla, Ruffa proved herself worthy of the job. During a phone patch, Kris reminded Ruffa not to be "so good" or she might come home "jobless."

Fresh from a holiday in the South of France, Greece and other European cities with her Turkish boyfriend Yilmaz Bektas, Ruffa might stay longer this time. She might do a soap for GMA (negotiations are going on). On Aug. 29 (Thursday), she and Ricky Reyes (who has enlisted Ruffa as image model for his parlor’s Gandang Ricky Reyes promo) will console cancer patients at the Philippine General Hospital.

Said Ruffa’s mom, Annabelle Rama, "Okey lang kay Yilmaz if Ruffa stays here longer because he feels that Ruffa is safe here with her family."

By and by, I’m sure Yilmaz will come rushing from Turkey to pay Ruffa a visit.

Tribute to Chaning Carlos

One local director who deserves a monumento (preferably doubling up in laughter) in his honor is Luciano "Chaning" Carlos who, in a career spanning 51 years, has done dozens of screenplays and 102 films. His first screenplay (1951) was for Huling Patak ng Dugo, starring Pancho Magalona and Alicia Vergel; and his first directorial job was for Eddie Loves Susie (1964), starring Susan Roces and Eddie Gutierrez.

Chaning, now into his 70s, has worked with 29 movie companies, helped put up 13 movie companies (one of them Regal Films which is celebrating its 25th anniversary; its first local production was Pang-umaga, Pangtanghali, Panggabi, directed by Chaning) and discovered dozens of matinee idols, including the late Ricky Belmonte (Si Siyanang at ang Pitong Tsikiting), Ronaldo Valdez (Pepe en Pilar) and Dante Rivero (Nagaapoy na Dambana).

He has also directed most of Dolphy’s slapstick comedy hits, including the landmark Facifica Falayfay which was produced by Dolphy’s RVQ Productions, another company Chaning helped put up.

"I believe that laughter is still the best medicine," said Chaning, a jolly fellow now seen in TV sitcoms (the latest being the just-defunct Attagirl on ABS-CBN).

Anyway, in celebration of Linggo ng Wika, the UP Film Center and Almost Famous Events Organizing International, in cooperation with the UP Department of Filipino, are holding "A Tribute to Veteran Comedy Director Luciano ‘Chaning’ Carlos" (Philippines’ All-Time Takilya King), to be kicked off by the screening of Magsikap: Kayod sa Araw, Kayod sa Gabi, 8 o’clock tonight at the UP Film Center, UP Diliman, Quezon City.

The screening will be preceded by a symposium (Katawa-tawa-tawa Ka Ba?) from 4 to 6 p.m. with guest panelists Jose Javier Reyes, Bibeth Orteza and Roderick Paulate; and tributes by Virginia Moreno (founding director of the UP Film Center), Regal Matriarch Lily Monteverde, Dolphy and director Carlitos Siguion-Reyna.

Asked which actress he’d like to direct in a "howl-arious" comedy, Chaning’s naughty eyes lit up.

"Kris Aquino," he said. "She’ll play a triple role in a naughty, naughty, naughty sex comedy."

O, game ka ba, Kris?