RUSTOM PADILLA: Living Alone And Living Well

The gender issue has been put to rest, thank heavens. The thing with ex-wife Carmina Villarroel has been relegated to the past, too, even if the memory lingers on, sometimes leaving a certain sadness in his heart and a sweet pain in his whole being.

But life has to go on for Rustom Padilla and for everybody else who has gone through what Rustom did -- his marriage hitting the rocks and picking up the pieces of his life, that is.

It's Lenten Season, a fitting time for reflection and recollection, of taking stock of one's life and coming to terms with one's self, what one has done and gone through and what one is doing and is headed for.

"No regrets," said Rustom about what happened to him, "I've left it all to God."

Almost three years after the Big Break-Up, some details of which are still to be decided legally, Rustom is one whole person again, reborn in more ways than one. He can now look back at the past with a smile, without hurting, and look toward the future with great expectations.

"I could have turned into a hermit but I fought against it," confessed Rustom in a candid Conversation conducted a few minutes after he attended a service at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses somewhere in Del Monte Avenue, Quezon City. "Life is beautiful, according to the movie, and I believe so. It's worth living, after all."

Do Jehovah's Witnesses also observe the Holy Week just like Christians and Catholics?

Mayroon kaming tinatawag na "memorial," the equivalent of The Last Supper. That's what we commemorate every year. Jehovah is our Almighty God but we recognize Jesus as His Son na pinadala niya to save us.

What happens during the "memorial"?

We recall how Jesus spent His last supper with his 12 apostles, when He broke the bread and distributed it among the apostles. Ini-explain sa amin what the bread and the wine mean, what their significance is to our lives.

Personally, what do you reflect on during the Holy Week?

I pray for my personal life every single day. But during the Holy Week, I reflect on what Jesus did for mankind -- you know, dying on the cross. When you reflect on it, your own problems, no matter how big you think they are, become nothing, insignificant. And then, you feel lighter. It's such a humbling experience.

How long have you been a Jehovah's Witness?

Fifteen years. I wasn't even in showbiz yet when I became one. I was only in high school. Sabay-sabay kaming nag-Bible study -- my Mom (Eva Cariño), Robin and my three sisters. Six of us. Only Royette, Rommel and Ate Rowena were not converted.

Did you have anything against Catholicism that made you turn your back on it?

It's not that I had anything against being a Catholic; it's just that I found the answers to all my questions as a Jehovah's Witness. I was enlightened on many things. No offense meant to Catholics, no, but sometimes when you have questions, you're told that there are mysteries that can't be explained. Among us Jehovah's Witnesses, lahat may answers, may explanations.

I heard that you're a devout Jehovah's Witness. What are the do's and don't's?

Hindi bawal ang uminom pero bawal ang maglasing. We're not supposed to eat blood. Like dinuguan, bawal. Batchoy na sinamahan ng dugo, bawal. We can eat meat but first, the meat should be drained of any trace of blood. Bawal din sa amin ang blood transfusion.

Oh? What if you get sick and you need it badly?

There are other ways. In blood transfusion kasi, it's just like you're eating blood already. Direct to your veins and arteries nga lang. The principle that we follow is respect for blood. Blood is life. Nasa Bible 'yon.

Did your being spiritual help you cope with crises in life, such as when you broke up with your wife, Carmina Villarroel?

Oh, yes, it did! Malaki ang naitulong... to cope with everything! When Carmina and I broke up, I dropped everything. I refused to talk to anybody, not even to my Mom. I was facing a blank wall. I became a recluse. I didn't want to work. I didn't talk to my friends. The only people I talked to were those from the congregation. I was desperate! At that time, I was convinced that the only one who could help me was God. Nobody else.

So you were feeling really down -- and out?

Oh, yes! Down and out. I'd leave the house only on Sundays to go to the Kingdom Hall, and on Wednesdays. We have a service every Sunday and Wednesday. I developed a phobia for people; ayokong maki-pagusap kahit kanino. I was so depressed. The feeling lasted for a year.

So everything stood still talaga.

Talaga! When I finally mustered enough courage and guts to do a movie, I felt like a machine, walang ka-feeling-feeling. I was doing it dahil kailangan ko lang talaga ng pera. I was paying all sorts of bills, you know.

Besides prayers, what helped you spring out of your depression?

When I accepted the reality that it was over between us, that God must have another plan for me. The experience has taught me how to have a more personal relationship with God. Before, attend ako nang attend ng services namin but I could feel that my whole heart was not in it, not into it. Now, before I make any decision or venture into anything, I first pray and ask for divine guidance. So whether mag-succeed or not, I harbor no ill feelings. His will be done.

Now that you've separated, has Carmina reverted back to Catholicism?

I don't know. But she did Bible-study for three years. She was also baptized as a Jehovah's Witness.

Have you totally got over it, almost three years after your break-up? You used to be afraid of the lights in your own house, your own room, weren't you? Do you still turn off the lights as soon as you enter your bedroom?

Not anymore. There was a time when I wanted to wallow in the darkness; that I hated the lights. I don't know if it was a case of self-pity but that was what I felt at that time.

An amateur psychologist would tell you that it's a denial of reality, a subconscious desire to go back to the womb.

Oo nga! Parang naaawa ako sa sarili ko, plus the fact that I couldn't accept what happened to me, to us.

Di ba the self-pity became more intense during special occasions, such as Valentine's?

It's true!

I remember one Valentine's Day when you surprised Carmina by filling up her pad with all sorts of roses. Very cinematic ang ginawa mo! Not everybody does that to his girlfriend or wife.

That was our first Valentine's together as husband and steadies. That was in 1993. I made sure that she wasn't home; she had a TV guesting. I ordered flowers from a shop and filled up the whole condo, including the hallway going to the room and the bathroom. Even at the lobby, we scattered rose petals.

Was that the most romantic thing you did for Carmina?

One of them. One of the most memorable.

And what was among the unusual things Carmina did for you?

(Laughs at the memory) Well, ginawa rin niya sa akin 'yon, ginaya niya, also on Valentine's Day a year before we got married. Instead of flowers, balloons naman ang ginamit niya. She filled up my room with balloons of all colors. Underneath the balloons were a VHS video-recorder and a TV set beautifully gift-wrapped.

How's your relationship with Carmina now, cordial or polite?

(Thinks awhile) Civil siguro. Polite, oo! Nagbabatian kami. We used to get in touch on the phone, nagkukumustahan, pero biglang huminto. I guess it has to be that way for the time being. Mahirap ipilit ang hindi dapat mangyari.

By the way, whatever happened to the annulment case between you two?

Almost finished. All that's needed is my testimony.

Do you have plans pending the resolution of the annulment case?

None really, except maybe to have a girlfriend and to marry again.

Again!?! Didn't you develop a phobia for marriage after what happened?

Not really. As they say, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

But you go out on dates, don't you? (Recent dates include unwed mom Angelu de Leon.)

Yes, I do.

Innocent dates?

Yeah. Nothing serious.

So how far do you go on dates? No, uh, intimacy?

None. Bawal sa Jehovah's Witnesses. Premarital sex is a big no-no in our (sect).

What if you're tempted, pushed against the wall?

You just have to avoid getting into that kind of situation.

What if the girl is insistent, already seducing you?

(Laughs) I'll ask her that we pray together!

Robin has been converted into Islam (from Catholicism and then to being a Jehovah's Witness). Do you talk about religion? Doesn't he try to convert you into Islam?

He knows how devoted I am to my religion, so he doesn't try. But sometimes we do discuss about religion. He'd explain his beliefs as a Muslim and I'd explain my beliefs as a Jehovah's Witness, pero wala talagang common ground. We respect each other's beliefs.

Do you think Robin is really a reformed person?

Oh, yes, he is! When he got out of prison (in 1998), he stayed with me in my house (in Las Piñas) for four months. He has changed a lot; he's really a new person now. He's now staying in his Fairview house with our Mom.

How's your relationship with Robin?

Better than ever! In fact, I'm the line-producer of his new film, Heto Na Naman Ako (for Millennium Cinema), with Vina (Morales). When he has problems, he consults me. Sometimes, he and Mama have problems and he calls me up for my opinion.

Is it true that you're strict as a line-producer (firing employees left and right)?

I have to be. I have my own working style. There's no other way. Pera ng may pera ang hawak ko so I have to be careful with it; I have to handle the money carefully. The financier expects me to do a good job so I have no choice but to be strict. I have to follow a system which I think is good for the project, never mind if some people get hurt or get mad in the process.

Is it taking much of your time?

Yes, it is. I have to give up movie assignments for it. It's time-consuming, actually. Pati tapings (for TV) I have to give up. Now, I only tape Tuesdays and Thursdays for Saan Ka Man Naroroon (an ABS-CBN soap aired daily from 7 to 7:30 p.m., Mondays through Fridays).

After you break-up with Carmina, you made a career move by doing kontrabida roles (in the Lito Lapid starrer Ibigin Mo Ako Lalaking Matapang and the Robin Padilla starrer Bilib Ako Sa'yo). Are you at-home in kontrabida roles (which are contrary to your wholesome, boy-next-door real-life personality)?

It wasn't actually a career move. I was trying to prove that I could do kontrabida roles, that I could be salbahe, too. At this point in my career, I can be a bida or a kontrabida, okey lang sa akin.

About Dermaline, why did you put up this kind of business? Why not, for example, an auto shop or a boutique? (He and Carmina put up a restaurant which folded up after only several months.)

I put up Dermaline in 1998, a year after I broke up with Carmina. I invested my remaining earnings into it. I bought the franchise. There are five outlets, one in Makati, one in Fairview, one in Manila and one in Guadalupe. 'Yung sa Paranaque, 'yon ang akin. Why a derma clinic? Well, my Ate Rowena is a dermatologist, but she's not my kasosyo. Her best friend is a supplier of derma medicines. One time, I developed so many pimples due to stress and Ate Rowena brought me to a Dermaline clinic. I met the president, Fernan del Rosario, and we discussed the possibility of putting up my own derma clinic.

Are your clients (patients) all from showbiz?

From all over. Among those from showbiz are Arlene Muhlach, Liezl Martinez, Pinky de Leon and Sandy Andolong. So far, so good. Naka-break-even na ako. In fact, we're making some profit. Self-liquidating na kami. What I do is mostly supervisory work. Mayroon akong team which does the services.

Such as what services?

Facial, non-surgical facelifting, non-surgical eyebag-removal, collagen-masking (to remove fine lines), scalp treatment (for hair regrowing), skin peeling, underarm whitening (pati singit-singit), etc.

Ilan ang personnel mo?

I have five nurses and one dermatologist, Dr. Noni dela Paz.

You seem to be self-contained now. Have you and Carmina divided your conjugal properties between you?

Yes, amicably. Out of court. Hindi na namin pinagawayan sa court. Sa aming dalawa na lang 'yon.

How was the hatian made?

Seventy-thirty.

In her favor?

No, in my favor.

When you look back at it now, where do you think did you go wrong? Did Carmina, being much younger, outgrow her feelings for you?

Maybe that's what she thinks -- that she outgrew me. But I don't think so. No offense meant, ha, but I don't think Carmina has grown up. I mean, she's still growing. What happened in our marriage was that we hit a crossroads, just like in every marriage, and we went separate ways. I wanted to turn right and she wanted to turn left. We didn't go in the same direction, 'Yung gusto niya iba na sa gusto ko.

Honestly now, have you got Carmina out of your system!

(Looking at you straight in the eye) Yes!

What do you remember most about Carmina?

(Smiles in recollection) Her being makulit. Funny but what you remember most and what you miss most about a person once she's gone is the thing that you thought irritated you the most. I miss her being makulit.

And what do you think Carmina misses the most about you?

'Yung pag-aalaga ko sa kanya. She says that naman in her interviews, doesn't she?

Have you got used to living alone again, naturally?

I guess so. Living alone, living well. That's my life now. You can be alone and be happy, for the time being. It's a temporary thing. Sooner or later, I also want to have a family.

(Note: For inquiries about Dermaline, call 809-77-59 or Pager 150-355253.)