Life is not always what we expect it to be. Sometimes things don’t work out to be as we planned. Sometimes our hopes and dreams do not materialize as we want it to be. And sometimes people just let us down with their behavior.
This is what happened to a friend who was so downhearted when his son talked back to him in a manner showing with no respect to him as a father. He said, “ I was so devastated with his behavior that I could feel my heart beat faster. I thought I would have a heart attack. I could not believe that he would do that to me. What went wrong in my raising him? "
In life, we have our own expectations and when these expectations are not met that’s when we wallow in the quagmire of disappointment. Writer Margie Warrell commented that we must know how to deal with disappointments. She said, “Our disappointments can be eased when we realize that no matter how hard our efforts, how high is our expectation, or how desperate is our hope, we can never force the world to submit to our ideas of how it should be nor force people to behave in a certain way. We are missing the boat when we spend our days stuck in resentment about what happened yesterday or in fear and anxiety about what might happen tomorrow.”
In the same length, an unknown writer, is in the notion that disappointments can lead us to bitterness and a host of damaging behaviors and emotions. We have to understand that the world we live in is far from perfect and that we have to accept that disappointment is part and parcel of life. In fact, in a relationship a lot of frustrations are experienced because of expectations. Like in marital relationship, the husband and wife has his or her own expectations. And when these expectations are not met , that’s when frustrations and disappointment come in.
To avoid or minimize disappointments, especially in marital relationship, the wikihow.com cites the following steps to take.
•Know that you might be a part in that disappointment. You need to analyze what lead to that disappointment.
•Communicating, being honest with each other and not to take things personally. This step is essential to help a relationship to flourish and work.
•Know that disappointment can lead to anger and you should avoid that. Anger can cause lots of harm to your partner and your kids if you have any. A better way is to talk it out with your partner; discussing what lead to the whole situation and what’s the best way to deal with it.
•When you communicate with your disappointment, do not attack personally; rather explore the situation, why, how and what made you disappointed. Attacking or blaming your partner make you lose the logic of ‘clearing the air’ and your partner will feel that he/she is wrongly accused.
•If you need time, take it. Space is very important in a relationship.
•Learn to accept your partner of what he/she is ; not of what you want him/her to be. Acceptance is the key to avoid disappointments and frustrations in a relationship.
•Bear in mind that good marriages are not made in heaven; it has to be on this earth. Remember, it takes two to tango , to make a marriage go.
* * *
Email: oysonkathy@yahoo.com.