Gwifts for 2011

Here is this year’s Gwift list — gifts from science that I wish existed on shelves or can be had by ordering. These “gwifts” are inspired by actual scientific facts/findings.

1. Anti-Viagra. It turns out that when scientists dabbed women’s tears on men’s lips, men’s appetite for sex decreased as well as their testosterone levels. The tears cannot be “fake” tears but one that comes out of feeling emotionally shaken, even from watching tearjerker films. If this would be a less controversial way to manage fertility rates, someone should gift us with regular, nationally scheduled “crying” sessions.

2. Temple Magnets. When scientists applied “magnets” (transcranial magnetic stimulation) to the right temples of their subjects, their subjects started judging stories given to them as causing less harm. Without the magnets, they judged them as harmful. If you want a judge to be more forgiving of what you or your client has done, you may want to consider this.

3. An Empty Basket with a price tag of $60 billion. Dr. Enzard Ernst, a scientist who devoted detailed studies on alternative medicine for 18 years through 160 publications, has concluded that 95 percent of all alternative medicine including but not limited to herbal medicine, chiropractor services, acupuncture, crystal healing, DO NOT WORK. The remaining five percent that work, are only slightly better than placebos. Give it to your family and friends who are always suspicious of medical science.

4. Helen’s (of Troy) photo in a soldier’s kit. This gift is for commanding generals or gang leaders to augment their KRA (Key Result Areas). When scientists showed pictures of attractive women or their legs to men, men were more ready to fight hostile countries, and faster to spot “war-related” images and words compared to men shown images of “unattractive women” or symbols like flags.

5. Mile-long birthday noodles. At the end of each of your chromosomes is a tail. Scientists found that its length determines how long you will live. This tail gets shorter as you age so having a short “tail” to begin with, does not spell as many years for you as those who have longer ones. There is no known cure for a short telomere but maybe just to foil biological fate with some humor and good vibes, you can just give something symbolic of a long telomere such as mile-long birthday noodles.

6. Bahay Kubo pack. All the fruits, vegetables and nuts in the song “Bahay Kubo” are NOT native to the Philippines. This was the big revelation, at least to me, by research done by Charles Mann, in his book “1493: Uncovering the New World Columbus Created” (Alfred A. Knopf, 2011). But then again, if you read the book completely, you will find out that all the plants you enjoy now once came from somewhere else.

7. Wasabi alarm. This was one of the IgNobel awardees this year. Japanese scientists have squeezed another use for this potent concoction. It involves triggers that will send whiffs of this substance into the air. Imagine wasabi, not just as a dab on your sushi but in the air your breathe. If that does not alert you, very few other things can.

8. The ultimate compatibility kit. For you or your friends looking for a mate, you may want to give them this test. Scientists have done research on this set of genes in your body and they found out that those whose MHCs are dissimilar, are more satisfied with their sex lives and have had less affairs. It seems that when it comes to MHCs, the more different your MHCs are from your partner, the more compatible you are.

9. Dreamtime. If you are a boss and you notice that your overworked team is not being imaginative with their ideas, give them more time to sleep so they could dream. Scientists now have more evidence that dreaming is more than just mere fancy. When you dream, you are able to cross set boundaries that you may have been used to when awake. This crossing may lead to more creative thinking and problem solving.

10. A blue-throated Uta stansburiana. This is for those ladies who are tired of hearing the usual excuse of the wandering male partner: “but in the animal kingdom, polygamy is the rule!” The Uta stansburiana is a side-blotched lizard whose males have throats that come in three colors. One is orange, and this is the one that builds a harem. Then there is the yellow one — the one who sneaks into a group and just mates with whomever is willing or available. But there is also the blue one, the one who chooses one and guards her all day long. So yes, the good news is there are devoted, monogamous males; the bad news is, they are lizards.

Happy hunting for lizards and other fascinating science finds.

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