Death by loneliness

The minute we are born, we start our journey toward the end. And recently, science found out that how you lived in terms of connecting with other people, determines the likelihood of how soon you will die. I took to this study because I have observed that when we know of someone who died, we all probe why and want one medical reason. But we forget that we die only for a moment but we live for far more than that. So it makes good sense that how you lived and with whom, have a hold on how soon you die.  

Reviewing about 148 studies that link death with social relationships, with participants totaling over 300,000 followed for an average of a little over seven years, this study published in PLoS Medicine this July 2010, is entitled “Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review” and was conducted by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Timothy B. Smith, and J. Bradley Layton. It found that people who have good social relationships are 50 percent likelier to survive than those who do not. Not only that, they compared “loneliness” with other death risk factors such as cigarette-smoking, high blood pressure, alcoholism, and it turns out that being lonely inches you toward death as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In fact, we never see a death certificate that states the cause of death as loneliness but this study means that being lonely is as dangerous to your health as the other factors doctors always warn us about.  

The study used several indicators to measure “social relationship” such as what I think can be categorized as “Bridge over Troubled Water” or constant assurances from others or their absence: “received support” whether emotional or tangible, perception of social support which points to perceived availability of any kind of support if they need it, and perceptions of loneliness. Other measures had to do with the web of “support” people are in such as: marital status, social networks, social integration, living alone, social isolation and a complex interplay of all these. Also, there was no mention anywhere in the study that having 5,000 friends in social networking sites like Facebook counts as one measure.

But before you start to think that people who live alone are likely to die of loneliness, you have to know that the researchers warned that different measures of social integration accounted for different risks. If you lived with many people but still perceive that the world does not care about you, that you do not get what you need in terms of support from family or friends, then that contributes to your risk of death much more than just merely living alone. The study also showed that the effect of social relationships on our health are the same, regardless of age, gender, initial health status or cause of death. It would seem that we are social beings and if we are not able to express that, for reasons within our control or not, we start to die a little.  

While this study was about death risk factors and the importance of social relationships, they also relate to studies on longevity. Communities known to have people who live to be in their 90s and over, maintain very good, constant relationships whether with remaining family members or friends. There was a study of communities around the world featured in a National Geographic Magazine on this a couple of years ago. Malcom Gladwell also wrote about a related case in his book “Outliers.” It was about the Roseto Effect — where people in a Pennsylvania town named Roseto were living longer and healthier and it was because they had generations living under one roof, they still cooked in their backyards for family and friends, they had large civic organizations and none of their wealthy flaunted their fortunes but instead helped the least of them. 

If you have not noticed yet, the study was definite about saying that not being lonely would more likely make you live longer but it did not say it discovered why. I do not think you will ever see a scientific study that would pin down, in precise molecular terms, how living happily could delay your death. But I think to many of us, it is quite obvious why- having a reason to live delays the inevitable. That reason has nothing to do with a business empire or power you do not want to relinquish when you die. It is about that laugh, that giggle, that song, that kiss, that dance, that great idea, the tender embrace, that pat on the back, that helping hand, that lent jacket on a cold day, the shared view of sunrises and sunsets, encountered in a swirl of kinship with other souls. We live longer if we are present not just with but also TO each other. So on your birthday, thank your family and friends not for your cake, but for giving you that immeasurable potion that has fuelled your life’s trip, so far.

* * *

For comments, e-mail [email protected]