Waiting

If you think technology only makes life faster, eliminating the long wait for the turnout you desire, you should know about technology that is specifically designed to make you wait.

The Guardian reported last Nov. 4 that the "oldest baby" was born to a couple in Spain. The baby is not really old but the embryo or fertilized egg from which it became has been around for 13 years – frozen in the Instituto Marqués in Barcelona before it was implanted to an adoptive parent undergoing fertility treatment. The intricate details of how this happened will be published in the December issue of Reproductive Bio Medicine journal in December. The embryo was part of six fertilized eggs from its genetic parents who decided to undergo fertility treatment 13 years ago. Those genetic parents were able to successfully give birth to one baby after trying with three embryos and consequently donated the "rest" to the clinic. The "oldest baby" born to adoptive parents is from one of those donated frozen embryos.

So while its 13-year-old genetic sibling is probably starting to brew that adolescent concoction so spiced with the promise of teenage angst, this new baby is just beginning its entry into this crazy world of ours. When they become adults and find out the circumstances of their "birth," do you think they would question the timing of their births assigned by their parents and technology? Watching the news and seeing the menu of violence that is served around the world, any thoughtful parent would be concerned about bringing a baby to live in this messy world we are in. But then again, some would argue that the world has always been messy and any day is as good as any to be born. Even so, I do not think that argument will easily make sense to me if say, I were living in Afghanistan, Iraq or Darfur, to mention just a few places where we have largely failed as Homo sapiens ("sapiens" means "wise") to live up to the name we have given to ourselves. Every time I think of how human beings everywhere demonstrate their unabashed cruelty toward each other, I feel like singing Don McLean’s Wonderful Baby to every baby I see, "Wonderful baby nothin’ but new, the world has gone crazy, I’m glad I’m not you."

But it is also in our human nature to persist amid our own calculated pessimism. I think this is probably one of the more compelling reasons why high-profile characters are behooved to adopt children from the equally high-profile poor countries. Maybe they feel like they just have to do something and raising children from those countries themselves did not seem like such a bad idea. I do not understand the objections about celebrities adopting babies from Africa or China. The main objection I have come across is that the babies will not get a chance to know their own culture first hand. Culture is nurture – wherever you are. When Madonna’s adopted baby grows up, he will take no time noting that he is of a different skin color and connect his "nature" with other people he sees. He will eventually cultivate a need to know his "nature," his genetic beginnings. I do not think we should worry about Madonna or Angelina Jolie adopting African kids more than we should worry about the future kids of our own "naturally" impregnated celebrities who now fill precious airwaves with their dulling acts of self-love and pleadings for attention. As my favorite Dr. Gregory House says to a man whose son stuck several plastic toys in his own nose: "Genetics is a powerful force."

But the long wait to be born is not the only thing that technology now offers. In Wired.com last Nov. 4, John Hudson wrote about the space burials that are now available to those who want to orbit around the planet a few times before resting in peace. In fact, for the right price, you can be your own fireworks at your own funeral since the people from companies like Industrial Sounding System could arrange for you to go with a bang by having "a small pyrotechnic charge will eject the ashes from the glide probe" (translation: your ashes will be part of the fireworks). Then "larger ash particles will typically settle back to Earth within 100 kilometers of the launch site" (translation: lighter parts of you will invade other countries while the ones that are just the right size will find their way back to the people who sent you to space). And as if that were not satisfying enough for the adventures of the very dead, they went on to say,"Some of the smaller debris will likely be entrained into the jet stream, and be carried around the globe"  (translation: the rest of you will just float around unseen and contribute to asthma around the world).

If you do not care much for merry-go-round orbits around the planet, they can just send you at the edge of our own planet’s airspace and your ashes will instantly burn upon re-entry to the Earth’s atmosphere. That means your final ride will be 62 miles up which will cost you, according to Space Services, about $7.98/mile (if only one gram of you is taking the trip) to $16/mile if you want more of you – seven grams of your ashes – to take that space trip. However, an orbit will cost you a lot more, depending on how long you want to go round and round – starting at $1,295 for a gram of you. You might be thinking – who would want a space burial? Well, when Space Services did their first burial launch, it apparently contained the ashes of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and ’60s’ acid-guru Timothy Leary. Their rocket and their ashes were orbiting the planet for five years before re-entering the atmosphere to burn.

To be born in a long whimper of a wait or to go out AS fireworks now belong to the menu of birth and death options we have. Too bad there is yet no option so life can also wait until we think we can deal with it.

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