The Philippine STAR at the Porsche World Road Show

EDITOR’S NOTE: The showcase of all things Porsche known as the Porsche World Road Show is nothing new to Porsche owners. In fact, it was held here in the Philippines in 2006. Its latest staging, however, was held in Singapore recently, and PGA Cars, importers and distributors of Porsche in the Philippines, deemed it wise to send the irreverent duo of Magsajo and Deakin to the show. We took on all comers and came out on top. Here’s James’ hilarious take on our latest brush with the fantastic machines known as Porsches…

MANILA, Philippines – Picture your favorite band finally going on tour after over 40 years of churning out one hit after another. And, to crank things up a notch, aside from it being an extremely rare live performance, they announce that they are coming to a country near you. But instead of instruments, this roadshow uses engines. Instead of speakers, they have exhausts, instead of singers, they have some of the best drivers in the world. And the best part of it all is they let you jam with them. All. Day. Long.

Welcome to the Porsche World Roadshow. This is the ultimate circus for the seriously disturbed Porsche fan. I mean where else on earth can you get a chance to try out the company’s entire line up in one venue without taking out a second mortgage on your unborn children? Yet there they were. The entire line up represented, like toys scattered across a floor, begging to be played with.

Business Motoring editor Dong Magsajo and I were one of four Philippine journalists invited by PGA Cars, the official Porsche dealer in the Philippines, to attend the day long rubber-burn fest at the Changi Exhibition Grounds in Singapore. Yes, I know, Singapore is not exactly the ideal playground for such hooliganism, but in controlled environments, they can party like the best of them. Think Singapore Grand Prix.

It starts out with a briefing, then a quick demonstration on seating positions, and then its every man for himself. They basically divide you into four groups of around 12 people each. This way everyone gets some serious seat time. Our first exercise was the high speed course using the Panamera, the Cayman, and the fabled 911 Carrera S.

It’s a follow-the-leader type of thing, but when your leader happens to be a champion race car driver in a hurry to get to lunch, the thrills come on nice and thick. We reach speeds of around 160 kph, which may not seem all that impressive, but the cornering speeds are what will really take your breath away.

Magsajo sees the pain in my face as I have to give up the wheel in the driver rotation and charitably offers up his turn. Great. But there was a catch. I didn’t see it then, but look who is spending his Saturday afternoon in a hot room typing furiously to meet a sooner-than-expected deadline because of this 24th anniversary special issue. But I digress.

So where was I? Oh, that’s right, getting conned. But some things are worth its price and I would gladly do it all over for another chance at feeling the tree stump-pulling power of that angry boxer engine slingshot me to a hundred before I can finish typing this sentence. The mechanical scream is still ringing in my ears. Oh sorry, that was my ringtone. It’s Magsajo calling to follow up on this story.

Next up was the Road course. This time we get shuttled into the all-new Cayenne. We are one of the very first in Asia to drive it, but sadly, it’s on the baby-sitted streets of Singapore. It’s like being lent an iPod full of your favorite songs but without the headphones; but what the hell, at least we were all able to experience the improved ride and the awesome interior of what is by far the best looking Cayenne to ever be produced. It rides so smoothly that we literally needed to shake Motoring Today’s Louie Gamboa to life during the drive after he slipped into a seriously deep sleep.

Magsajo once again took one for team STAR by giving up his turn and allowing me to drive the whole way around the 60 odd kilometer road route. I did make a token offer to my passengers in the back, but aside from Louie who was comatose, Inquirer Motoring Editor, Jong Aracano, politely passes on his option as well saying that he was not entirely comfortable with driving on the left hand side of the road in a left hand drive vehicle.

From there it’s a slalom course. Very straight forward, but a good opportunity to feel the crisp, responsive and direct steering that Porsche engineer into each of their cars. We use the Boxster this time, which is one of the most well-balanced cars on earth. Mid mounted engine, rear wheel drive, and a steering wheel more talkative than Jim Carey on speed.

The simple layout may not be enough to get everyone’s juices flowing, but it can really give an average chassis a hell of a work out. With so many sudden changes in direction, the incredibly flat Boxster dances through the cones with fantastic poise, making even the average drivers look fairly stunning.

Last up on the menu was the moose test. This is a common maneuver used in all vehicle testing, and is designed to see how quickly a driver can react to an animal jumping in front of you on a highway. I climb into the Panamera. It’s surreal. You see this car in Manila and it’s almost like meeting a celebrity. It just seems so… ostentatious. Yet here, it is being flung into 360 degree spins and being treated like a someone who messed around with Chavit Singson’s woman.

It’s literally being tortured all day long. Yet you wont hear a peep out of it. It may be a luxury sedan, but it’s still a Porsche. And it was born to perform. I bring up my speed to around 90kp/h and head straight for a box of orange cones. A flag man stands at the end and raises either his left arm or his right at the very last second, indicating which way I should swerve. I’m not allowed to anticipate the turn, because in real life, there are no second chances.

I swerve and then I need to turn back into my lane. We do this first with the PSM or Porsche stability management on. It’s as simple as point and shoot. The second lap is done with the PSM disabled. This is where most people got to know how a washing machine feels. But do it right and the Panamera betrays its heft and goes pretty much exactly where you tell it to.

We end the day with an awards ceremony, which saw The Philippine STAR bag the best driver award, ahem, plus a taxi ride in a Cayenne, a GT3 RS and a 911. As if to show us how its really done, the instructors took us out one by one and drifted around the high speed course, which not only made for some spectacular photography, but even allowed some people to enjoy their lunch all over again.