Funny, sad and scary

Three writers – Al, Ben and Carl – were attending a writing convention. They booked a three-bedroom suite on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they returned from the convention, the receptionist said, “I’m terribly sorry, but all the elevators are broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs.”

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories and Carl was a writer of sad stories. The three of them agreed that, to make it less boring, Al would tell the other two his funniest stories while they climbed from floors 1 to 25, Ben would tell his scariest stories from floors 26 to 50, and Carl would tell his saddest stories from floors 51 to 75.

They started to climb the stairs, and Al began to tell funny stories. By the time they reached the 25th floor, Ben and Carl were laughing hysterically. Then Ben started to tell scary stories. By the time they reached the 50th floor, Al and Carl were hugging each other in fear.

Then Carl started to tell sad stories. “I’ll tell my saddest story of all first,” he said. “There was once a man named Carl who left the hotel room key in the car...”[1]

Do you know who can be all three – sad, funny and scary?

A manager who doesn’t know they are.

Here is why.

Many managers inadvertently scare people. Tone, pace and language create a climate where people nod, ship safe work and save their best ideas for safer rooms.

A majority of employees feel too intimidated to bring issues to their manager – and it’s not a good thing.

The solution is not to soften standards. It is to change how excellence is invited.

Begin with language.

When a manager says, “This is the plan,” the team hears, “Decision made,” and they comply.

When a manager says, “Here’s what I’m thinking; what risks are we missing?” the team hears, “Welcome.”

Ideas that arrive half-polished attract contributors; ideas that arrive varnished attract spectators.

Openness must also be visible.

Many leaders declare, “My door is open,” while their faces say, “Enter at your own risk.”

When someone pushes back, hold a neutral expression – no frowns, eye-rolls or theatrical sighs. Psychological safety is not a poster on the wall; it is a facial expression, a tone and a pause long enough for a dissenting view to land.

Trust accelerates when interactions include small, human touches.

A simple callback – “How did the client visit go?” – signals attention and care.

Team huddles that open with, “Share a recent win, either personal or professional,” feel less like courtrooms and more like workrooms.

The business still happens – it just happens among people rather than roles.

Meeting dynamics matter as much as the message.

If a leader narrates every meeting like a documentary, the team becomes the audience.

Create talk-time equity. Ask, “What’s your read?” and then actually pause.

Here is a practical yardstick: in problem-solving meetings, the leader’s airtime should trend below 40 percent. At 70 percent, broadcasting has replaced building.

Perfection intimidates; progress inspires.

Teams respond to leaders who “tell on themselves” – brief, specific lessons learned, where the leader was not the hero.

The formula is simple and powerful: “Here’s what I learned, and here’s what I’ll do differently next time.”

Vulnerability does not lower the bar; it raises trust high enough for people to reach it.

Maintain high standards and keep the path unmistakably clear.

People fear the unknown more than the hard. Define “done” with examples and anti-examples.

When celebrating wins, praise not only the outcomes but also how they were achieved: the cross-team assist, the early red flag or the sharp question that saved a week.

Doing so teaches the organization what “good” looks like without the need for a lecture.

Finally, install safety rails so candor doesn’t depend on anyone’s mood.

A simple red-flag rule allows anyone to call a pause to surface a risk, with no penalty, no drama.

Close key projects with brief after-action reviews, focusing on the process: what worked, what didn’t and what changes will be made next time – so learning compounds without blaming.

Shift the stance from “Prove it to me” to “Let’s improve it together.”

Pushback arrives with proposed options, not just problems.

Quality rises in rooms where the leader is not present – which is the surest evidence that ownership has taken root.

Being less intimidating is not about being less exacting; it is about being more inviting.

The bar stays high. The team reaches higher. And the work becomes worthy of the people doing it.

That way, the manager does not have to be funny, sad or scary.

Catch Kongversations with Francis on YouTube and all major podcast platforms – Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, and more. Plus, listen to Inspiring Excellence wherever you stream.