Cognitive reframing

This feared dictator was giving a speech, and a man in the crowd sneezed. The dictator asked: Who sneezed? No one responded.

The dictator says to one of his secret police: “Walk up to the crowd and shoot everyone in the front row.” So, the guy shoots everyone in the front row.

‘Now,’ The dictator says, ‘who sneezed?’

Again, no one responded.

“Shoot everyone in the second row,” so everyone in the second row gets shot.

The dictator, getting impatient, asks again: “who sneezed?”

A tiny and short man in the middle of the crowd slowly raises his hand and, in a whimper of a voice, says “me.”

The dictator looks out into the crowd, sees the man with his hand up, and says, “Bless you!”

Have you heard the phrase: “Much ado about nothing.” I did a little research, and Professor Google says: In modern-day English, it means: “A lot of fuss about something which is not important.” Emcees use the phrase: “And now without much ado,” meaning “Without further delay.”

Many years ago, I was invited to speak to a small group of 30. They were only 30, but each individual happened to be either a chairman, president or CEO of a big-named company. I was already speaking to large crowds and audiences at that time, but I remember how my heart pounded with fear and anxiety. Backstage, all stressed out and nervous, I prayed. My mind tells me: “How could I speak to all these learned and accomplished people when I should be sitting down there listening and learning from them?”

Today they have a term for this line of thinking called “impostor syndrome.” Our Google friend describes it as “perceived fraudulence involving feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.”

You might work harder to counter these feelings and hold yourself to higher standards.” To this day, I remember how I prayed, “Lord, I do not know why I am so fearful and anxious, and I do not know how to do this, but You do, so help me, God.” Amazingly, a few minutes before handling the microphone, while the host was reading through my resume and introducing me as their next speaker, wisdom came charging like a horse and overwhelmed me with this thought. “Why should I be in doubt, and why should I be afraid? They have invited me to speak, and this means they have perceived that I may have something I can share that they might find helpful. I am not there to con them and not there to deceive them, so I might as well do my thing and give it my best shot.” The 45-minute speech ended well, but by the Grace of God, the leaders lavished praise, bought my books, and even had me sign them!

Famous comedian Jerry Seinfeld says: “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two! This means to the average person that if you have to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

Public speaking can be a scary business. But what if we practice “cognitive reframing?” meaning: “Looking at it from another perspective?”

A 2012 study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that reframing can significantly reduce feelings of stress and anxiety. Cognitive reframing asks questions like:

• Is this situation or problem severe, or am I simply sweating the small stuff?

• Can I view this situation differently that can change how I feel?

• How can I handle this problem differently to direct my emotional energy to more significant, important issues?

Standing in front of a critical audience can send chills up your spine.

“What if I bomb?”

“What if I say something stupid?”

“What if I forget my lines?”

“What if they decided my presentation was just a waste of their time and started disrespecting me from then on?”

Suppose we reframe the situation by realizing the audience would be on my side and that they want me to do well. Suppose you are stressed and anxious about a pitch meeting and are afraid that potential investors will attack you and tear your presentation apart. With a perspective like this, you can easily make these people your potential enemies. You put your cognitive reframing to work and say, “Investors are incredibly interested in searching for great ideas and promising ventures, and these people will be my partners in my success projects. So, they are on my side.”

What happened that day behind the stage may qualify as a process of cognitive reframing. But deep within me, I call that “answered prayers!”

(Francis Kong’s podcast “Inspiring Excellence” is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms.)