So what do you do?

I get to meet people all the time  when I give keynotes, when I speak in sales rallies, when I speak in conferences, when I attend conferences, when I meet people in the airport. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I meet hundreds of people  and on certain occasions even thousands – every week.

That’s why knowing what to say and what NOT to say is important to me. Knowing what certain questions I should not ask lest I look dumb is important to me as well. And so when I line up to enter a plane, and I bump into somebody I know, I have learned not to ask, “Going to Cebu?” Of course, since the plane is going to Cebu! Instead, I would go, “Business trip?” This is a more valid question.

I have also learned not to shake hands with people I meet in the rest rooms, for obvious reasons.

The way we strike up or carry a conversation forms impressions in people. It may be unfair, but their perception of you, even if just based on a single conversation they had with you, registers in their mind as the reality of you. As motivational speaker Zig Ziglar has put it, “You never get a second chance to create a first impression.”

Here’s a tip. Important people never ask outright, “What do you do?” They find that out in a much more subtle manner. Why? Because these are the times of job layoffs and business closures. The question “So what do you do?” may evoke uneasiness. And if the person were “in between jobs”, he’d surely fidget with such a question. You and I need to be sensitive. The truth is, when a person keeps on asking “So what do you do?”, he or she comes across as a social climber, a ruthless networker, or worst, a gold-digging wife- or husband-hunter.

Now this is not a sweeping generalization, but the thing is, we need to be cautious and sensitive. In return, when we refrain from asking such a question, we come across as principled, spiritual even. And it communicates to people that we enjoy their company for who they are, not for the network or the “fringe benefits” that connection with them offers.

So how do you find out what someone does for a living? Different strokes for different folks, but this is how I would do it: I’d ask, “So what keeps you busy?” Others might ask, “How do you spend most of your time?” This is a gracious way to let the person explain what he or she does. The big idea is to be sensitive, to be cautious and to show respect.

I was in a mall with The Ilocana one lazy Sunday afternoon. A real estate agent approached us, showcased their new units and insisted on getting my phone number and address. Guess how that made me feel.

Be sensitive. Be respectful. Don’t be in a hurry to get to know what the person does for a living. Be interested in the person, more than his position, his job or his socio-economic status.

Even our Father in heaven never asks us, “So what do you do?” And aren’t you glad about that?

(Develop your leadership skills with Francis Kong this March 28-29 at the EDSA Shangrila-Hotel. Call Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. at 632-6872614 or 09178511115 for further details.)