With the ASEAN summit gripping the Queen City of the South, naturally, a torrent of photographs burst onto the social media sphere. Aside from the dignified portraits of world leaders and business crooks trying to schmooze their way into the hallways of power, there was an undercurrent of kilig coming from the female side of the room: Prince Mateen of Brunei is in the house.
Governor Pamela Baricuatro was fangirling for a friend --at least she was fortunate enough to have seen the prince in person-- and she had the photo to prove it. Others were left generating images through the help of AI --it was the best they could do, what with the exclusive guest list and the strict security measures.
I wonder what conversations could be had with the prince, if one were to encounter him. He’s married already, so flirting with him would be out of the picture --except for those women willing to take the place of second or third wife. Or not even.
He is educated, so there should be a ton of things to talk about. Would it be a good idea to blab about his horse riding a.k.a. polo playing? He’s probably bored with all the horse talk (and it’s a topic most people know zilch about).
Tongue-tied as to where to bring the conversation, then? Well, here are several incendiary topics --the better to make sure he remembers you for a long time!
Sodomy, for one. Did you know it’s punishable by death in Brunei? Lumped together with rape and adultery, gay men who engage in sodomy face this serious consequence if caught in the act. Does this mean if they’re just naked in bed, then no criminal charges?
Given this criminal statute, perhaps sodomy would be a good conversation starter for the prince. Having been educated in London, surely the prince has met some seriously handsome gay men. Maybe even become friends with them. The question one can now pose to him is: “does this mean that when his gay friends land in Brunei, they’re just supposed to hold hands the whole time? Or does he advise his friends to avoid Brunei altogether?”
Wonderfully neutral, if I might say so. Non-judgmental, and doesn’t put him on the defensive at all. Stellar diplomatic skills.
The press reports that the Bruneian method of execution is a bit medieval. Supposedly, gay men are to be stoned to death by Brunei. Armed with this tidbit, the next follow-up question could be: “Your Highness, what kind of stones do they use? Because for me, I only allow basalt and river stones to touch my skin whenever I’m in the spa. Perhaps, for the sake of being humane, you should limit the type of rocks you use in stoning gay convicts. We can’t have them suffering skin damage, you know”?
At this point, he might be uncomfortable already as to where the conversation is going. What does he know about the skin-smoothening properties of lava? In which case, one should take the initiative and steer it towards a less controversial topic: lesbianism!
Lesbian sex is punished differently in Brunei. Reportedly, it’s either 40 strokes of the cane or 10 years imprisonment for women caught in dangerous liaisons. That might be a safer convo thread with the prince. Something like: “Prince, if women are to be treated equally in your society, shouldn’t they also be put to death if they’re discovered en flagrante delicioso?
Again, non-judgmental, and fully supportive of women’s rights to equality. But the prince might not want to commit to a position while he is still awaiting his elevation to king. Being outspoken might jeopardize his chances to inherit the throne. This might be a source of discomfort.
Perhaps, it is time to move on to safer topics. Have another glass of bubbly, dear prince. It is time to celebrate our regional ties, those commonalities that make our geographical sphere cohesive. Except the LGBTQ community, of course, but that’s just a tiny irksome bit we shall sweep under the rug. Raise your glass!
What’s that? Alcohol is forbidden too?