CEBU, Philippines - Nobody really likes criticism, even if it's coming from well-meaning mentors or supposed friends. A lot has already been said on how to deal with criticism. Still, criticism remains unwelcome and a burden to many.
But criticism is not always a negative thing. It can be used constructively by the one being criticized to become a more well-rounded person. If it's meant to harm, then its target can learn deal with it or shake it off like a bad habit.
There's a difference between destructive and constructive criticism. The target person has to know which one is coming his way. This knowledge is his first line of defense.
It is important to know who is giving the feedback, in order to figure out the underlying intention of the remark. A comment coming from one's teacher or work superior is likely meant to improve his performance. On the other hand, it it's coming from an adversary - whether suspected or confirmed - there's reason to question its purpose.
But it's wise to first assess the criticism as objectively as possible. Harsh words sometimes serve to move us to work on personal flaws that we'd otherwise just feel comfortable about.
It helps, too, to observe the tone in which the remarks are given. If there's a tinge of anger or annoyance, maybe the critic is just upset - not necessarily with us - and we just happen to be the most convenient object to vent his inner turmoil. Or, maybe the person just doesn't like us for no apparent reason and nothing about us is ever right in his eyes.
If, after objective analysis, the criticism turns out to be completely baseless and clearly meant only to hurt us, then maybe we just have to parry the blows. It is not as much defending ourselves to our critics as upholding our integrity to ourselves. It takes a certain level of maturity and self-esteem not to be shaken or crushed by scorn.
Nobody's perfect. While we are all born with the potential to attain perfection, no one is yet known to have hit the mark. There's this guy wearing a shirt with the print: "Nobody's perfect. I'm nobody. Therefore, I'm perfect!" He's nobody, all right - without the slightest sign of being perfect, not even of being anybody.
The best way to deal with criticism yet is to take it positively, whatever its intention. It's much harder to control other people's actions than to manage our reaction. We are better to be prompted by criticism to improve ourselves instead of wasting away emotional energy by feeling picked on and aggrieved.
Moreover, we are sure to come out stronger if we train ourselves not to be ruled by others' opinions. For all we know, our critics are trying to hit us in order to deflect their own dissatisfaction with themselves. Unhappy people only have their unhappiness to share.
With practice, it's possible to make criticisms work for us and not against us.
Everybody has defects. Those that cannot stand the flaws of others have a problem. But the bigger problem is with those who believe they have no flaws at all. (FREEMAN)