Seagulls fly!

To the thousands of nameless couples facing the grim reality of substance abuse, Judy’s story is nothing new. She first met her husband Frank during their college years, in that familiar boy-meets-girl situation that most of us probably know. "That was way back in 1980," she recounts. "He seemed like an ordinary guy, at least as far as I could tell."

The two dated, and eventually they fell in love. Soon after, Frank revealed to her his history with drugs. Her new boyfriend, it turned out, had dabbled in all kinds of prohibited substances, and had even spent time as a rehab patient in a Makati hospital.

"Of course I was surprised when he told me that," Judy admits. "But I didn’t think it would be a serious problem." Like many of her friends, she thought it to be a normal activity for guys his age. Frank had, in fact, been able to stay sober for some time, his drug addiction seemingly well under control. So confident was Judy in their relationship that they got married the following year.

"I had this belief that by myself I could get him off drugs permanently," she confides. "I was wrong." As their married life progressed, Frank slowly began to slip back to his old habits. Judy noticed disturbing changes in her husband’s behavior– paranoia, lack of sleep, unpredictable actions–obvious indications of a shabu addict. At times, Frank would suddenly disappear from their house for several days, then come back in a sorry, drug-induced state. There was no denying that his past addictions had returned.

There were also occasions when he would get violent, threatening to beat his wife up for the smallest reasons. "It got so bad that I feared for my life," remembers Judy. "I no longer knew this person I lived with, and he no longer respected me." The drugs were destroying her husband, and it was wreaking havoc on their young family.

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending. Against his will, Judy had Frank brought to the Seagull’s Flight Foundation–a drug rehab center that advocated a unique approach to rehabilitating addicts. Frank underwent a few days of detoxification, after which he was slowly introduced to a structured life at the group’s treatment facility in Tagaytay City.

"I didn’t like it at first," confides the recovering addict. "I always thought that rehab centers were places for low-lifes and creeps." What he found, instead, was a household-like community of three counselors and 40 recovering addicts, all of them working for a future without drugs.

Meanwhile, back in Manila, Judy underwent her own share of counselling. She became part of the "T-group"–a weekly meeting of people who had loved ones admitted into the Seagull facility. In it, she heard the stories of other co-dependents–wives, husbands, parents, children–who had the same cruel experience of living with a drug-dependent.

"I became good friends with them, especially the other wives," she says. "We realized we had a lot in common, and that there was a kind of pattern that defined our relationship with our husbands." Like her, they also knew of their spouses’ situation even before they got married, but stayed on thinking they could solve the problem by themselves.

"The sad fact is that drug abuse is very hard to cure without professional help," reveals Chit Castillo, one of the founders of the Seagull’s Flight Foundation. "Physically it can be easy to remove the drugs from a person’s body. But teaching that person to stay away from them is the hard part." It’s a sad situation that, she admits, can only be helped by lots of understanding and support.

Judging from the foundation’s effect on Judy’s and Frank’s lives, it seems the program has worked well. Since his year-long stay at the facility, Frank has once again become sober– hopefully this time permanently. These days he has gone back to being his old, responsible self, and he is proud to have come out of it a better person. Both he and his wife are now the "elders" in the T-group, their hard-earned experiences giving encouragement to the new batch of patients and co-dependents.

Through it all, Frank remains grateful to his wife. "She has been my only hope and my salvation. I’m very thankful to her for not leaving me when I needed her the most," he says quietly.

Judy sums up her side of the story in simpler terms: "I’m just glad to have him back. We became stronger because of this, and it feels good to know that I did the right thing by bringing him here."