'I would rather be loved than feared'

The outpouring of prayers, love and concern for former president Corazon Aquino as she battles colon cancer from her hospital bed reminds me of something she said during her state visit to France exactly 20 years ago this week. It was France’s Bicentennial, and the Philippines, of all the countries in the United Nations, was the only country invited by the French government for a state visit in the days leading up to the celebration. It was a moment of pride for all Filipinos to see the Philippine flag waving alongside the French tricolor along the Champs Elysees, on a week that saw the heads of the world’s most powerful nations (like US President George H.W. Bush) descending on Paris for the high-powered occasion (the Bicentennial and the G-7 summit). I was privileged to cover that Bicentennial.

Anyway, one of Mrs. Aquino’s engagements that week was a visit to the City Hall of Paris. The mayor then was Jacques Chirac, who was later to become prime minister. She was welcomed like a true heroine of democracy when she entered City Hall (called the Hotel de Ville), and in an extemporaneous speech in English (she would sometimes address the audience in French), she told the cheering Parisians amidst a shower of red, white and blue confetti, “I would rather be loved than feared.” At the time, some of her critics were saying she should rule with an iron hand like her predecessor. But in a country that saw her as the Joan of Arc of Asia, Cory simply reaffirmed the style of someone who wanted to be the exact opposite of the dictator.

Today, she is seeing that she is indeed loved — by the 80 bishops who offered Mass for her healing, by the people who served in her administration, friends, ordinary men in the street that flock to novena Masses for her.

Her daughter Kris said on television Sunday that her mother shed tears of joy when informed of all this outpouring of love for her.

Kris said it is not true that her mother has refused further chemotherapy — it is just that she is too weak for it. She said her mother underwent painful procedures to battle her cancer (even if she had confided once to her assistant Margie Juico that she wanted already to be reunited with her beloved Ninoy) for the sake of her children, grandchildren, and “the Filipino people, who are not really ready to let her go.”

A moral force in society who doesn’t shirk from the torpedoes when she believes in what she is doing, Cory still issued last month a statement against Charter change and in support of elections in 2010. The road towards full democracy (and the 2010 elections?) is still fraught with real danger — lurking on the curbside — and many still look to Cory for direction because they know self-interest is not her guiding light.

“Her mission, like the mission of those of us who are blessed with life, still isn’t accomplished,” Fr. Jerry Orbos said at a homily during a healing Mass for Cory last week at the Greenbelt Chapel. Orbos, whose brother Oscar once served as Cory’s Executive Secretary, said a measure of how much one is loved is the number of people who are praying that you don’t leave them.

“It is not bad to ask God for a miracle,” Kris said on television, “but my siblings and I have surrendered to the will of God.”

“He knows what is best and we pray that He gives us the grace of acceptance.”

Kris said she sees her mother’s “hirap,” but also her efforts to get well. In fact that Sunday, Cory tried to take in a cupcake.

“She tried to eat in order not to disappoint the ones who have been praying for her,” said Kris.

“But the one who loves her most is God,” concedes Kris. “And if tomorrow my mom will get up, it is God’s will.”

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In praying for Cory’s healing, in praying for acceptance, in attending Masses for her recovery, many of us are undergoing transformations, too. Healing not just from physical ailments, but from doubts about our faith, everyday hurts (tampos) that now seem so miniscule when you realize that life is all too brief for hurts and anxieties to fester in us.

To paraphrase something I heard on television, “Don’t let them stay in your mind rent-free.” Negative thoughts shouldn’t be freeloaders in our being.

I think only Cory could have brought together under one roof Mike Defensor and Jun Lozada, both praying for her healing. You will recall that Lozada was jailed due to a suit filed by Defensor.

Praying for Cory is also bringing together people who used to work in her administration, some of whom have continued working in government. Medy Poblador used to work in Cory’s Protocol Office, and she is now a ranking Palace official, said to be in President Arroyo’s inner, inner circle. She was warmly welcomed by her former fellow co-workers during Cory’s Guesthouse days during a novena Mass at the Greenbelt Chapel. I also saw Cory’s former official food taster, whom we simply called “Custer.”

I don’t think I have gone to as many Masses in my life than I have in the past week. I have thus received more sacraments in one week than I have since grade school, probably. I feel truly blessed by God. After one Mass, I remarked to former Cory special assistant Odette Ong that I felt so light and yet so fortified.

“Me, too,” Odette answered. After Mass, Odette, Margie, former Press Undersecretary Deedee Siytangco and Teena Sarino (wife of former DILG chief Cesar Sarino) and I would have lunch together and cement the friendship we started while working for then President Aquino (I was the executive editor of Mrs. Aquino’s Presidential Press Staff).

Faith in God and acceptance of His will — all these are gifts of grace we have been receiving as we have been praying for a woman of faith, who always believed that love is more powerful, and certainly more lasting, than fear.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU LORD!

By: Corazon C. Aquino

In pain and sorrow

I have never been alone

Many thanks, dear Lord!

A heart full of love

In times of deep affliction

This I pray for, Lord...

In much hurt and pain

Yet my heart is not bleeding

Thank You, Thank You Lord!

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(You may e-mail me at [email protected])