The gift of a second chance

Ollie Belmonte knew it was time to seek – nay, grab – help when he no longer recognized himself in the mirror. It was midnight, his parents and siblings were asleep, and he was wide wake under the influence of some very potent drugs. He looked at the glassy eyes staring at him from the mirror and he shook with fright. Who was that stranger in the mirror and how did he get into the house at 1 a.m.? He wanted to shout for help.

When the panic in his heart subsided, Ollie realized that he was simply looking at himself. He didn’t recognize the stranger that he had become not only because his looks and expressions had changed, but also because his mind had gone over the edge for a second.

The next morning, he told his parents that he wanted a second chance at life. They brought him to a drug rehabilitation center in the nick of time.

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Today, 35-year-old Ollie, who started experimenting with drugs when he was 16, is happily married and a father. He has been off drugs for 10 years now and is proud to say he slid back only once in the last decade, and that was early on in his recovery. He is the executive vice president of the Rising Phoenix Foundation, which runs a facility in Tagaytay that gives expert care in the treatment of substance dependency.

"The phoenix is the best symbol of a drug dependent’s recovery. Because from the ashes, you rise again," says Ollie who was into drugs for about 10 years before the "mirror" incident.

He founded Phoenix with four other men who have seen up close and personal the effects of substance abuse: Ed Rocha, a "co-dependent" because a close relative had been a drug user; Jose Maria Diaz, a recovering dependent; Bernard Termulo, a recovering dependent; and Fernando David, a psychology graduate and a Harvard-trained substance abuse counselor.

With the exception of Ed, all have worked in rehab facilities. Ed, for his part, saw the way a rehab center is run because a member of his family was a "client." Therefore, all of them run Phoenix with more than just textbook knowledge.

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Ed Rocha comes from one of the country’s most prominent Spanish-Filipino clans. He has given up his day job in the family business to concentrate on Phoenix, of which he is president. Never on drugs himself, he has witnessed how a drug dependent can affect the members of his family and vice versa, thereby nurturing the dependence even more (a perfect example is the character played by Andy Garcia, the co-dependent of the alcoholic Alice played by Meg Ryan, in the movie When a Man Loves a Woman.)

"There is such a thing as being ‘addicted to the addict’," Rocha points out. Co-dependents love to feel needed, but they have to realize that there has got to be a point when they have to dispense "tough love."

They have to hurt the one they love, especially if the latter is a substance abuser.

"You just got to tell them, ‘I know this hurts, but I will walk every mile with you’," Rocha says.

Ed also reveals that a woman is less prone to substance abuse. But when hooked, women find it harder to kick the habit.

"Women are as dedicated to their addiction as they are to their families," he reveals.

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Fernando, a former seminarian, has never been into drugs or alcohol. But he feels it is his mission to help give dependents a second chance.

The first stop on the road to addiction is the moment when a person develops a liking for the drug, Fernando points out.

He need not be depressed or feel besieged by problems.

"Even when life is going well, a person can turn to drugs," warns Fernando.

But for most substance abusers, there is a problem from which they feel they cannot escape.

"They think drugs or alcohol is the perfect escape," shares Bernie, who has been free of drugs for about 10 years now.

So he advises the vulnerable to "respect the power of the drug." Like a tornado that can suck you in till you are in shreds, drugs are powerful and difficult to extricate oneself from. So don’t even try, even out of curiosity.

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The founders envisioned Phoenix to be a "home for healing." Thus, they chose a former retreat house in scenic Tagaytay as their facility because "it is conducive to rebuilding what has been broken by a person’s dysfunctional past." The house, which they named "Phoenix Ridge," looks like a mountain retreat. To complete the homey effect, it even has a chimney.

At the moment, there are 20 residents, whose ages range from 16 to 61. All but one (an alcoholic) are recovering from drug abuse. The 61-year-old resident was brought to the facility by his son. There is one woman in the program.

Phoenix promises a "holistic, multi-program approach," because nowadays, will power is never enough, says Ollie. The facility has a medical and a spiritual director. Fernando and Bernie actually live with the residents and closely monitor their three-stage, year-long rehab program.

The founders of Phoenix advise parents to be sensitive to the signs of drug abuse, which include changes in your children’s sleeping and eating habits, weight loss and money problems. Sometimes, the symptoms aren’t obvious because some drug users appear alert and sharp, then they crash. Unlike alcoholics, drug-users don’t give off tell-tale scents.

"Always know the company your children keep and the places they frequent outside school," advises Ed. All five founders stress how important close family ties, spiritual nourishing and a sports program are in keeping children – and parents – away from substance abuse.

So why are these five men – Ed, Ollie, Bernie, Fernando and Joe – devoting themselves to a cause (they work full-time at Phoenix) which does not pay as much as other jobs and does not give as much dividends as the family business?

"Because by helping others, we find that ultimately, we are also helping ourselves," concludes Ollie.

For after the phoenix rises from the ashes, it has to stay risen. 

(For inquiries about the Rising Phoenix Foundation, call 826-61-66 or 825-86-04 or visit their website at risingphoenixfoundation.com)

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