Fear God, be courageous

Hi. I just would like to share my thoughts about the suicide in UP. If you could please bear with me. 

In the aftermath of a suicide in UP, people are starting to point fingers against the system, of which I ask all of you to generously spare a kind ear to my story. Who knows you might glean something good from it. My student number starts with 92. I was granted STFAP Bracket 5, meaning I paid the miscellaneous alone. I came from a very poor family, the sixth of a brood of ten. My deceased mother was a public school teacher and my father was stay-at-home with szchizophrenia. At that time, I thought I should have been put in the much lower brackets considering how low my family income was. But Bracket 5 was my sole olive leaf so I took it. You might say my family’s financial capacity was wrongly assessed but the grant proved to be the best reason for me to strive back to university after my countless LOAs. 

Life in UP was beyond par difficult. Countless times I filed for LOA for insufficient funds. The four-year course was stretched to agonizing 8 years. I never blamed my family for not being able to support my studies. I understood how difficult it was to get by a day with food on the table, how much more support a university child with dorm fees and school expenses. I say, I owe my tenacity to my grandmother. She taught me well. And I won’t be able to survive UP without being resourceful. I tutored English to Korean students, sold snacks inside the dormitories and did my best to stretch this puny money by living frugally, which meant eating one meal a day and drinking expired milk. But I survived. Admittedly, I prayed many times that the Lord might better take me home for it was beyond difficult. Whenever I slept at night, I prayed in my heart that I won’t wake up the following day. But I did and I did and I did and I took it as a sign that God has something good installed for me after all. I just have to cross the bridge and face the hurdles, although the enduring was interminable. 

A time even came when I left the dormitory because I cannot pay the rent anymore. Good thing, I had a few kind-hearted friends under my sleeves. They allowed me to stay with them for months. I even had friends who lent me monies to pay rent and outstanding dues. One of them is Kuya Bot aka Prof Felipe Jocano! (Having said this, I plead the students not to bother him for help. He’s a family man now.) He lent me P600 for my fees and never asked for any repayment. May God bless him more! During my time in UP, I went from houses to houses. I even spent a night inside a church because my sister left her storage room closed. That too was my castle. I slept on a make-shift bed with cases of empty soda bottles. During a strong storm in ’95, it felt like a 5-star hotel room for me. I was safe from the floods and even without electricity and my only candle snuffed out, I remember praying my gratitude to God. Thanking Him for the expired cookies left inside that dark hole. I guess, perception is key to success — to survival, foremost. Being able to see beyond the dark clouds is a gift. 

UP is a battlefield yet it is a level field where people from all walks of life enter with their most outstanding weapon — wisdom. Not everyone is invited to tread its halls, only those who have passed the UPCAT, those intelligent chosen ones can alone grace the Palma Halls to listen to the incredibly ingenious voices of intelligence. I am privileged. 

To say that this system is a failure is a grand mistake. I was able to get a job in a multi-national company even though I was an undergraduate. Twice. Carrying the name of UP will surely bring you to places. If I let my grumbling empty stomach get into my head, I would have transferred to a mediocre school. But UP is UP. We must not dethrone its reputation because someone decided to call it quits. 

Lastly, I exhort all students coming from poor families to strive harder. Even if your family doesn’t have your back, you are endowed with intellectual capacities to transcend above and beyond the physical difficulties of life. Perish the thought of suicide. If I killed myself then, will I wound up living blissfully in Canada? Be strong and courageous. Be smart. Your difficult stint in UP is part of the grand, elaborate plan of God. There must be something to be learned in those halls. Character isn’t built overnight. To parents, teach your children to be tenacious and to be righteous, fearing God for the fear of the Lord is truly the beginning of wisdom. He is good and will always lend a kind ear to those who call for help. 

God bless.